Raise your hand if you f—ing despise New Year’s Eve.
Anyone?… Oh, everyone?
That’s what I thought.
Spiritual muse Jennifer Lawrence admitted something everyone usually hates to confess: New Year’s Eve is an GD abomination. “I really hate it,” she recently told Graham Norton on his BBC show. “I’ve never had a good one. Everyone’s chasing a good time and it’s always a disappointment. I always end up drunk and disappointed.”
See? You can be young, beautiful, rich and bearing Oscars, and your New Year’s still blows.
Let me be real with you, if you’re desperately clinging on to have a NYE experience à la When Harry Met Sally, it’s not going to happen. No, no. You’re going to wind up paying $200 to go to a boujie hotel only to have fist-pumping randos grab your ass while you wait in 40-minute intervals to get a watered-down vodka soda. I’m pissed.
But instead of going on another angry Internet rant that could send NYE lovers off to therapy, let’s rejoice in the suckiness that is NYE together. NYE haters: dwell in the shadows no more. This is why we, Jennifer Lawrence and the rest of the world are coming forward about the worst holiday everyone is supposed to love.
I could go on, but as another NYE masochist, I have to go book my tickets for a night bound to make me more livid and be less memorable than last year, and the year before that. And to all of you whose NYE-loving bubble I just shot with guns blazing: we have bigger problems here than my watered-down vodka.
Happy New Year’s, though. Go get ’em, guys.