Jennifer Lawrence Says New Year’s Eve Is the Worst and She Couldn’t Be More Right

3... 2... 1... why aren't I making out with Liam Hemsworth rn?

Raise your hand if you f—ing despise New Year’s Eve.

Anyone?… Oh, everyone?

That’s what I thought.

Spiritual muse Jennifer Lawrence admitted something everyone usually hates to confess: New Year’s Eve is an GD abomination. “I really hate it,” she recently told Graham Norton on his BBC show. “I’ve never had a good one. Everyone’s chasing a good time and it’s always a disappointment. I always end up drunk and disappointed.”

See? You can be young, beautiful, rich and bearing Oscars, and your New Year’s still blows.

Let me be real with you, if you’re desperately clinging on to have a NYE experience à la When Harry Met Sally, it’s not going to happen. No, no. You’re going to wind up paying $200 to go to a boujie hotel only to have fist-pumping randos grab your ass while you wait in 40-minute intervals to get a watered-down vodka soda. I’m pissed.

But instead of going on another angry Internet rant that could send NYE lovers off to therapy, let’s rejoice in the suckiness that is NYE together. NYE haters: dwell in the shadows no more. This is why we, Jennifer Lawrence and the rest of the world are coming forward about the worst holiday everyone is supposed to love.

  • 1. You literally just paid $106 plus tax to go to your local bar. SMDH.
  • 2. This is going to be the sixth, maybe seventh, year you kissed your friend because you’re single as s–t.
  • 3. Speaking of single as s–t, you get to watch happy couples have a glorious kiss when the ball drops, in a moment that’s more romantic than 250 Valentine’s Days combined, on steroids. Awesome.
  • 4. You can’t even get a cab. Or an Uber. Or successfully hitchhike. Such bulls–t.
  • 5. Every year you gather your dignity, keep high expectations and tell yourself: “This year is going to be different,” but somehow you end up pissed and/or drunk and/or throwing up outside the cab Jesus sent you.
  • 6. You curse the moment you decided to surround yourself with sweaty strangers instead of being cozy on the couch watching New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.
  • 7. You realize you have a fresh start, but it’s like, f–k, did you really ask for one? The pressure.
  • 8. New Year’s resolutions are about as legit at Trump’s candidacy.
  • I could go on, but as another NYE masochist, I have to go book my tickets for a night bound to make me more livid and be less memorable than last year, and the year before that. And to all of you whose NYE-loving bubble I just shot with guns blazing: we have bigger problems here than my watered-down vodka.

    Happy New Year’s, though. Go get ’em, guys.

    Pizza is bae. And yes, I still say bae.
    @taylorferber