All of the Places Lady Gaga and Taylor Kinney Have Had Sex and Probably Haven’t Told Us

Lady Gaga and her fire hose-yielding fiance Taylor Kinney have so much sex, you can now see it on your local newsstand. The Pulitzer Prize-bound singer guest edited the latest issue of V Magazine, and the cover not only shows Gaga and her man post-“adult finger painting” sex (painting each other and boning on a canvas), but she describes when/where/why/how they take part in penetration. I don’t even know how either of them are able to walk, honestly.

According to Gaga, here’s when they have sex:

I’m not sure if Taylor’s ability to get a boner while talking about shootings and terrorism is scary or impressive, but I know that if I were Gaga, I wouldn’t hate it either. Regardless, the two are sexing around the clock, but where else have their mystical love-making sessions taken place besides on Picasso’s canvas utopia? We’re pretty confident they have in the following locations:

• The moon

  Getty

  A cosmic collision of bodily fluids. Deep.

• This egg Gaga showed up to the Grammys in that time

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  In some cultures, giant eggs = world peace.

• In that fireman hat

  NBC

  How do they fit in there, you ask? Such magical intercourse will take you anywhere.

• On these cots from the “Alejandro” video

  Interscope

  Because love-making isn’t about comfort. It’s about art.

• On Jo Calderone’s piano at the VMAs

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  While she was dressed as Jo, obviously, because again, ~art~.

• Swinging from this thing

  Getty

  And simultaneously talking about gun control.

• On that tiny black stool in the “You and I” video

  Interscope

  Maintaining balance while debating foreign affairs is really the only way to climax.

There you have it. And be sure you look under your bed tonight, because Gaga and Taylor may be having sex under there.

You’ve been warned.