There is an entire film genre dedicated to virginity. In any of these flicks, you’ll find a sweet, innocent virgin looking to get horizontal for the first time with someone who has a motorcycle. He or she has sex. It’s awkward. Flowers blossom. The end.
For decades, no one has questioned the honesty of these so-called “virgins,” but we at VH1 like to ask the hard (pun intended) questions. Which movie virgins were actual virgins, and who was just spewing fibs to pull at our heartstrings? We did a deep dive into virgin film lore and found 14 characters we believe deceived you (and us). Prepare your 13-year-old self for some serious disappointment.
Be sure to catch all your favorite rom-coms on VH1 during our 14 Days of Love.
Quincy “Q” McCall, Love & Basketball (2000)New Line Cinema
Basketball players, by definition, have lots of sex. Q is a basketball player. Ergo, he has lots of sex.
Woody, Losin’ It (1983)Embassy Pictures
Tom Cruise was born sexually active. End of discussion.
Evan, Superbad (2007)Columbia Pictures
Evan (Michael Cera) was no doubt the apple of some thirsty manic pixie dream girl’s eye. And you know he let her have a bite.
Nina Sayers, Black Swan (2010)Fox Searchlight
Natalie Portman’s Oscar-winning character seems angelic at first, but her freak flag rears its, well, freaky head soon enough. First, she masturbates with the aplomb of a seasoned porn star. Then, she practically fornicates with some scrub in a nightclub bathroom high on MDMA. And remember when she and Lily (Mila Kunis) have sexy time in Nina’s pubescent bedroom? This adds up to a lot of things. Virgin is not one of them.
Claire Standish, The Breakfast Club (1985)Universal Pictures
No redhead on Earth is a virgin. It’s scientific fact. Cease your games, Molly Ringwald.
Dionne Davenport, Clueless (1995)Paramount Pictures
Who is the last virgin you can think of who sported a nose ring? You can’t think of one, right? BECAUSE THEY DON’T EXIST. This isn’t our first time at the rodeo, Stacey Dash.
Paul Finch, American Pie (1999)
Who could possibly resist a fancy, mochaccino-guzzling 18-year-old? No one. You know damn well Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas) charmed the pants off some mom while discussing Tuesdays with Maury over pumpkin spice lattes.
Chris “Oz” Ostreiche, American Pie (1999)Universal Pictures
He’s a lacrosse player. A hot lacrosse player. If homeboy didn’t score off the field, too, then there is no gravity. Or KFC.
Olive Penderghast, Easy A (2010)Screen Gems
Are we supposed to think a girl so skilled at making ~fake~ sex noises hasn’t done the dirty deed IRL? We call your bluff, Emma Stone.
Rocket, City of God (2002)Miramax Films
Look at that stare. That’s the stare of a man who knows a thing or two about giving orgasms.
Matthew Kidman, The Girl Next Door (2004)20th Century Fox
A man who can strip in front of Elisha Cuthbert (begrudgingly or not) has to have gone for a romp in the sack at least once. Probably twice.
Andy Stitzer, The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)Universal Pictures
We’re not buying the action figure-loving nerd schtick here. Andy (Steve Carell) is a fit, relatively attractive man with stamina. You mean to tell us he never got lucky in his 40 years of existence? Even after a few drinks at Applebee’s, no one came knocking? Bulls–t.
Lucy Wagner, Crossroads (2002)MTV Films
Alright, Britney Spears. You expect us to believe Lucy was a doe-eyed little virgin despite the striptease she gave Henry (Justin Long) and pole dance routine she performed for a bar of random New Orleans drunks? Get out of here.
Edward Cullen, The Twilight SagaSummit Entertainment
Get a load of this f–ckery: Edward (Robert Pattinson) waited literally thousands of years to do the nasty with Bella Swan–even with that panty-melting jawline. What can we say? Kristen Stewart is a natural aphrodisiac.
Molly Ringwald’s character in The Breakfast Club might be an unrealistic movie virgin, but she’s iconic nonetheless. We asked Michelle Buteau and Jade Catta-Preta which Breakfast Club characters they would be. Check out what they said in the clip below and tell us, which character(s) would YOU pick?