Love is a crapshoot. Just when you thought you had it all figured out, your beloved goes and pulls a #WasteHerTime move and you’re back at square one.
Despite the countless books, songs, movies and more on the topic, love cannot be narrowed down to one simple explanation. It’s not a science. You can’t solve for x and be done with it. Hell, even giving dating advice is hard. Hence the awful pieces of advice your friends give you over and over.
Check out the 14 worst pieces of dating advice your friends give you below. Don’t blame your besties, though. Blame it on the weatherman. Or just blame it on technology. That’s probably the real reason why dating is so hard these days.
“Play hard to get.”Giphy
It’s one thing to keep an air of mystery when you’re first getting to know a man. It’s another thing to play a game with him. There’s no better way to get to know a guy (and allow him to get to know you) than by being forthright with him. Besides, who has time for games?
“Wait to focus on your career until after you’re married.”Giphy
One of the most important things you can do as a woman is to focus on your career—and to make this a priority when you are young. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t also date while you’re young, too. If you want to date, date! Just make sure that you’re also focusing energy towards your work. The ability to support yourself is oh-so important.
“He’s going to be perfect.”Giphy
News flash: No one is perfect. Maybe he’s perfect for you, but he’s not perfect. It’s unrealistic for you to expect your future boyfriend or husband to be entirely flaw-free. Decide upon a few non-negotiable traits you want to find in someone and keep your expectations for everything else relatively low.
“You’ll find the one when you’re not even looking.”Giphy
Your ideal guy is not going to fall out of the sky like some kind of heavenly coconut and land, bent on one knee, in front of you. Dating requires effort. How much effort you want to put in is up to you, but let’s just put it this way: You’re not going to meet anyone by sitting alone on your couch—unless, of course, you’re simultaneously on a dating app.
“You’ll fall in love.”Giphy
Love is not a hole you inexplicably fall into and can’t get out of. It’s a choice. You choose to love who you love, a notion that’s actually way sexier than claiming love is up to some unidentifiable, uncontrollable power.
“He’ll never date you if you sleep with him on the first date.”Giphy
The typical reasoning behind this bit of advice is the idea that if you sleep with a guy too soon, he will lose interest in you. As Samantha Jones once said, “A guy could just as easily dump you if you f-ck him on the first date as he can if you wait until the tenth.” If a man is only out for the sex, he’ll lose interest no matter how long you make him wait. If he’s in it for more than that, he’ll stick around for the real goods: you.
“You can change him.”Giphy
You do not have the power to change anyone but yourself. If a man is going to change, it’s because he wants to. You can inspire a man to change, but it’s the man who ultimately decides whether or not he will.
“You’ll know when it’s right.”Giphy
When you haven’t actually experienced this mystical feeling of knowing for sure that your relationship is “right,” it can cause you to rack your brain for signs that weren’t there and conclude that the relationship was something that it wasn’t.
“Money isn’t important.”Giphy
Money is definitely important because Lord knows we all have bills to pay. Lack of funds is stressful in itself and when you add a relationship to the mix, things can get even more tense, as you and your partner must struggle together to fund your own lifestyles.
“Money’s the most important.”Giphy
Money is important because welp, a girl’s gotta eat, shop, pay rent, thrive, etc. But it’s not the most important thing. This should, though, be something you keep in the back of your mind when choosing a mate. See the above for why.
“Listen to your heart.”Giphy
Your heart never wants you to play it safe, which is truly a beautiful thing. You should pay attention to what the heart wants, but you should also pay attention to what your mind is telling you. Sometimes what the heart wants is not what’s good for you in the long run.
“Let him make the first move.”Giphy
If you want something, go get it. This mentality should apply to your dating life, too. If you decide to wait for the guy to make the first move, you could potentially wait forever.
“Make him jealous.”Giphy
Everyone gets jealous, but no one likes the feeling. It’s perfectly normal to get a little jealous when you’re into someone, but it’s not healthy to play games. Making a guy jealous in hopes that he will like you more could potentially backfire, leaving both of you unhappy in the end. You’d also just be a part of #WasteHisTime2016 for doing so.
“You can’t find love in a hopeless place, a.k.a. on a dating app.”Giphy
Don’t knock dating apps until you’ve tried them. The reality is that this is a social media era and more and more people are into meeting each other online / through dating apps. It’s a perfectly valid way of finding a hookup, boyfriend or a husband, especially if you have a hard time meeting people in person.
Love & Hip Hop queen Cardi B is offering her two cents on love in the video below. Find out what she had to say here.