Ladies, get in formation. Your football IQ is about to get a makeover.
Amazon has a new device out called the Echo and it’s essentially a computerized personal assistant. The Echo is a small, cylindrical device that talks and can help you do—and learn—all kinds of things. Late to dinner? Echo can call you an Uber posthaste. Out of toilet paper? Echo can have it delivered to your doorstep by the time you get home from work. No one around to hang out with? Echo will play blackjack with you and be your temporary BFF.
Don’t know a damn thing about football? Echo will coach you to pigskin trivia victory.
Amazon’s slate of Super Bowl commercials features Alec Baldwin using Echo to help plan his Super Bowl party. The ads are funny, but from where I’m standing, Baldwin isn’t using Echo to its full potential. If I had one in my crib, I’d use it to plan for a Super Bowl party, but in a much more effective way. I’d have it teach me a thing or two about football so I could be the SB party MVP.
Just what would I ask my Echo, a.k.a. personal tutor in all things football? For starters…
Who won the Super Bowl last year?
Let’s start basic, shall we? If I’m going to impress my work crush at my party, I should at least know who won last year’s Super Bowl. I’m a Philadelphia gal, born and raised, and Lord knows the Eagles have never won one. That leaves…31 teams to pick from. Echo, take it away.
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME: It was a tough loss for the Seahawks last year, but you have to admire the Patriots ’can’t lose’ attitude and the way they pulled the game out in the final seconds of regulation.
This is definitely getting me a dinner invite.
Which football player is Gisele Bundchen married to?
Gisele’s married to a Cali-bred man, but I’m 67% sure he plays for an East Coast team. I’m also 99% sure they both gave up sugar in the name of healthy eating. This love is real.
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME: Gisele Bundchen married Tom Brady, quarterback for the New England Patriots, in 2009. They have two kids, Benjamin and Vivian.
Gonna need to watch my back at this party. My football knowledge is on a 1000 right now.
Who’s the guy that made dabbing a thing?
I know it wasn’t wedding crasher Kendrick Lamar and it was definitely a thing before Rihanna was doing it in her kitchen…
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME: The dab dance caught on over the summer, but it wasn’t until Carolina Panther quarterback Cam Newton began dabbing after scoring a touchdown throughout the 2016 NFL season that the dance became mainstream.
I’m going to be dabbin’ on these jealous chicks hating on my Super Bowl party swag.
Why does Peyton Manning say “Omaha”?
You know you were wondering, too.
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME: Peyton Manning says Omaha is signal call he uses at the line of scrimmage while reading the defense before a ’run or pass play,’ though former teammate Reggie Wayne claims it means Peyton’s going to run the other way. The meaning is somewhat ambiguous.
I’m officially going to bring it tonight.
What’s 4th and goal?
Fourth and goal… as in, the dude with the ball has four years to go until scoring a touchdown?
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME: Fourth and goal means that the team on offense has one final play to gain less than 10 yards to score. When a team is in a fourth and goal situation, they typically try for either a field goal or a touchdown play.
Football is so much more fun when you actually know what’s happening.
Which player is dating Ciara?
Echo, who’s the handsome bae who took Ciara as his date to the White House? He’s totally a keeper. CiCi better lock that down STAT.
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME: That ’handsome bae’ is otherwise known as Russell Wilson of the Seattle Seahawks.
What’s a pigskin?
And why do I hear Sunday bar-goers yelling about it in between sips of beer?
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME: Pigskin is a slang term for football. Footballs were once thought to be made out of pigskin, but nowadays, they’re made out of cowhide or rubber.
Maybe I should pick up a ~pigskin~ to bring with me to tonight’s festivities so all the cuties can sign it with their names and numbers.
Let’s hope my days of high school field hockey don’t fail me now.
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME: An offside is a penalty. It happens when a player is on the wrong side of the line of scrimmage when the ball is snapped.
These other girls better come correct tonight.
How many points is a safety?
All I can picture when I hear the word “safety” is my dad shouting it at the TV screen while the game is on.
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME: Whereas a field goal is worth three points, a safety is worth two.
I’m basically a sports newscaster at this point.
Name five classic football movies.
Bonus points if some of them are streaming on Netflix right now.
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME: Rudy, , Any Given Sunday, The Waterboy and Brian’s Song.
Totally gonna invite my crush to stay late after the game and watch Any Given Sunday with me.
What do AFC and NFC stand for?
And can you order me some KFC, my little PNC, while you’re at it?
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME: AFC is short for American Football Conference, while NFC is short for National Football Conference. The AFC and the NFC have 16 teams each and make up the NFL, a.k.a. National Football League.
Okay, okay. I at least know what NFL is, you sassy little Echo, you.
What year was the Janet Jackson nip slip?
WHAT THE ECHO TAUGHT ME:Janet Jackson performed at Super Bowl XXXVIII on February 1, 2004.
It’s been 12 years? Man, time flies. Thank you, Echo!