Mariah Carey Getting Wheeled to the Stage (Instead of Walking) Looks Oddly Natural


Mariah Carey is an untouchable deity sent from Heaven to sing Christmas carols and shade Nicki Minaj. MiMi has no time for trivial matters–remember when she discarded her own offspring when accepting her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?–so it comes as no surprise she isn’t a fan of walking. In fact, this modern-day Mrs. Claus is so effing regal, she was recently wheeled to her Las Vegas residency gig at Caesar’s Palace instead of putting one foot in front of the other like us Plebeians.

It’s a fascinating situation. Carey is quite literally rolled to the stage like a museum exhibit as legions of sweaty, exasperated minions tend to her every need. Lipstick! Blush! Fried chicken! (O.K., that last one is a joke, but you know damn well Lady Carey could devour a drumstick while being wheeled if she wanted. Who would dare question her?)
And the reason? TMZ reports Carey’s shoes were so uncomfortable, she couldn’t bear the trek to her venue. So the solution, naturally, is to be pushed there.

This circus confirms something we’ve all known for years: Mariah Carey is not human. She does not have to follow the rules of society that tell her to walk or like Jennifer Lopez. She makes up her own rules, gosh darn it, and that involves as little physical exertion as possible. Marie Antoinette would be proud.