9 Seriously Raw Shrek Jokes That You Definitely Didn’t Get As A Kid

How was this movie even rated PG?!

— By Amanda Bell

It’s been 15 years since we first made our acquaintance with the giant green ogre who went fishing with farts, and even though the movie was considered family-friendly film fare, it was actually pretty stacked with crude humor.

In fact, we’re wondering if the MPAA might’ve taken a nap when assigning an all-ages-appropriate rating to this one because some of these jokes were lewd enough to make even an adult viewer blush.

  1. First of all, there’s the matter of Lord Farquad’s name.

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    If you haven’t noticed the significance of his monarchical moniker before, say it out loud, slowly. Farquad. Faaaaaar-quaaad. Get it?

    (Hint: It’s a play on “f-Ckwad.” Are you laughing yet?)

  2. And let’s not forget the time Shrek literally wiped his rump with the “true love’s kiss” part of the fairy tale.

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    “Yeah, like that’s ever gonna happen.”

    The ogre’s cynicism had reached such a fever pitch by the time he hit the outhouse here that he actually used old fable books (we’re assuming he must’ve found this one in the trash somewhere because there’s no way he bought it) as toilet paper. As one does.

  3. Also, they totally went there with the Snow White joke.

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    As the Magic Mirror did a Bachelor-style presentation of Lord Farquad’s three princess options, he slipped in a little dirty ditty about Snow White, saying, “Just because she lives with seven other men doesn’t mean she’s easy.” Ooooh snap!

  4. Plus, there was this casual reminder that size matters.

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    When Shrek and Donkey first arrived IN Duloc to try and demand Farquad restore order to the swamp, they made a pretty risque little observation about the size of his … castle. That one went right over the kiddos’ heads, guaranteed.

    Even when the same joke came up (badtumsh) again and Donkey alllllmost clarified the connotation before being knocked over by Shrek because a lady (Fiona) was present.

  5. “Duloc is the perfect place!”

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    The sing-song welcome box for the kingdom of Duloc had a little tongue-in-cheek action going on, too. The lyrics to the catchy puppet-driven number were, “Please keep off the grass/ Shine your shoes/ Wipe your … face.” YOU know what they wanted to say.

  6. “I have to save my ass.”

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    The kingdom theme song might not have said this little werdyderd when referring to hind parts, but Shrek wasn’t afraid to call Donkey by this age-inappropriate synonym. Rude.

  7. Oh, and remember when Fiona killed a bird and then ate its nest eggs?

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    Fiona might’ve seemed like an animal-loving pal of nature as she traded whistle tunes with a wild bluebird. But when she accidentally exploded thanks to a supreme high octave and left her nest without a mama to guard it, Fiona broke bad and had herself some fried eggs. Oof.

  8. PSA: Robin Hood likes to get laid paid.

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    When Robin Hood whipped out his own … song to introduce himself to Princess Fiona, he boasted, “I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid,” and his Merry Men added, “What he’s basically saying is he likes to get …” Yes, the natural conclusion to that is “laid,” but Robin Hood quickly corrected with “Paid!” to keep it on the level. Well played (hey, that rhymes too).

  9. Lord Farquad’s got a filthy mind.

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    Even the Magic Mirror could see right through Farquad’s under-the-sheets request for a closer look at his would-be lady friend, Fiona. The suggestiveness of this moment just *had* to have sparked a thousand of those “you’ll understand when you’re older” parent-kid moments.