Celebrity

Here Are Some of the Things People Think Ted Cruz Looks Like

Ted ringers.
by 5/5/2016

By Brenden Gallagher

There are few things the Internet agrees on, but one of the them is that Ted Cruz is one weird looking rightwing hardliner. Though the entirety of social media has come together to agree that Lyin’ Ted looks like a slightly melted wax figure or a botched attempt to hang skin on a sentient robot, there is a hot discussion taking place as to what he looks most like.

Some argue he looks like a comedy legend in drag. Others think that he is a dead ringer for a maniacal cartoon prince. Others believe he most closely resembles a bottom dwelling sea monster.

America: you have roundly rejected Ted Cruz as your next President, but there is still time to weigh in on what creepy, weird, and disgusting thing he looks most like.

Kevin (Brian Baumgartner) from The Office

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While Kevin’s lovable clumsiness endeared him to his co-workers at Dunder-Mifflin, Cruz’s prickish obstinance has led co-workers to refer to him as “Lucifer in the flesh”.

Mrs. Doubtfire

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Much like Mrs. Doubtfire is pretending to be a woman to spend more time with his children, Ted Cruz is pretending to be human so he can take away a woman’s right to choose.

Grandpa Munster

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Though The Munsters last aired in 1966, it’s a safe bet that Grandpa Munster had more progressive views on womens and LGBTQ rights than Cruz.

Wario

You have to wonder if Ted Cruz has a “good twin” out there somewhere who is at least somewhat opposed to poor people dying in gutters from preventable diseases.

Blobfish

You look at one of these pictures and you think “how could it take so long for a creature to evolve.” You look at the other and think, “Oh, that’s what a blobfish looks like!”

This Maury Povich Guest

If you had any doubt that the Internet is both a beautiful and terrible place, just look at this.

The Penguin

At least he would be a nice change of pace from all of those Jokers in Washington! (Sorry, had to say it.)

Templeton (Charlotte’s Web)

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If you asked Cruz, he would probably tell you that Wilbur is actually the villain of the story for not taking his rightful place of the cycle in the freemarket.

Grayson Allen (Duke Basketball)

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Duke Blue Devil Grayson Allen has insisted he doesn’t look like Ted Cruz, which is exactly what we would say if we looked exactly like Ted Cruz.

Dobby the House Elf (Harry Potter)

You have to imagine that working for the Malfoys would be like working for the Cruzes since both families are filled with bigots who no one really likes them.

Metro Man

Ted Cruz is to Donald Trump as DreamWorks is to Pixar.

Spider

In recent polls, an anthropomorphic spider was actually viewed as more electable than Ted Cruz.

Zodiac Killer

We’re not saying that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer, but we are saying that his wife has had to come out and say he isn’t the Zodiac Killer. Exactly what the Zodiac Killer’s wife would do.

Squidward

This makes you want to look into the public restroom policies at the Krusty Krab.

Now that Ted Cruz is out of the race and Donald Trump is the last man standing…wow. I can’t even finish that thought. SMH. Just watch this clip below. We had liberals blind-taste test some of Trump’s best wine. The results will surprise you.

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