While money isn’t an issue for celebrities, even some of the most popular A-listers can’t resist an embarrassing gig if it means a lot of $$$. In the case of these eight stars, those jobs were pushing crazy products in cheesy-as-hell commercials. Thankfully, the Internet will forever hold on to the footage of Hulk Hogan singing about an air conditioner and Penelope Cruz playing Mario Kart. It’s all so cringe-worthy, but also incredibly flawless. We’re about to make your day. (Warning: Laughs ahead.)
In 1995, the Material Girl lent her mug to Takara, a Japanese sake and spirits maker. In the creepy clip with an actual dragon, Madge croons, “How can I be pure? How can I be sure?” (Not totally sure what she’s talking about, but let’s just blaze past it.) At the end, M says in a deadpan voice, “I’m pure.” Well that settles it, then.
The muscled wrestler/reality star sings the days of the week in this commercial for a Japanese air conditioner called Hitachi Big Flow. No joke. That’s all he does. Oh, he also makes a creepy AF face.
Let’s play a game. Ask yourself what celebrities you think play Nintendo. We’re sure Penelope doesn’t make your list. Yet, even still, here she is playing a Mario game with her sister. The end where she actually dresses up as Mario is 100 percent flawless.
Bruce channeled his Die Hard persona for this bizarre Japanese gas station commercial. (He also made a second one, which is just as good.) There’s lot of screaming, awesome “zap” graphics, and some stone-cold line delivery from good ’ole Bruce.
#NeverForget the series of Japanese energy drink commercials Arnold did in the ’90s that will give you nightmares for days. His cackle will shake you to your core.
Who do you call when you need to promote Chu-Hi, a canned mixed alcoholic beverage? Ben Stiller, who has a Ph.D in Canned Mixed Alcoholic Beverage Studies, of course. There’s never been anything more enticing to grace the Internet. Why do we have an urge to drink a canned mixed alcoholic beverage more than ever right now?
Michael J. Fox
Michael proves resilient in this commercial for a Japanese beverage company named Kirin. In it, he uses the power of the drink to make an awe-inspiring teddy bear plant out of a simple pair of hedge-clippers. Where the hell is his Oscar?
Last but not least, we have the Dogg pushing the services of VybeMobile, a German cell phone company. In this trailblazing clip, Snoop comes out of some random dude’s refrigerator and begins singing a very enticing tune. Soon, other strange people start coming out of the cabinets and doors of this guy’s house. And everybody is just super casual. We’ve never felt more compelled to buy a cell phone in our lives.