8 Things Hollywood Gets Wrong About One Night Stands

Because everyone wakes up married to a perfect stranger at one point or another.

Let me start off by saying I’ve never had a one night stand. Seriously. But after hearing countless and hilarious stories from friends, and their friends, and their friends, I think I have a pretty good idea of what goes down. #MillenialProbs. Whether you’ve had one or not, we all know that one night stands aren’t nearly as glamorous or romantic IRL as they are on the big screen. We’re blowing your cover, Hollywood. And we’re doing it right now.

  1. Getting breakfast in the morning.

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    This happened in Knocked Up, but from what I’ve heard, people get one look at who they *think* they slept with and are running out of that person’s place before they can say pancakes.

  2. Waking up married.

    20th Century Fox

    It’s entertaining to watch this happen in movies like What Happens in Vegas and The Hangover, but in reality I’d imagine someone chopping their own arm off before staying married to their one-nighter.

  3. Having no recollection of the human being you penetrated (or were penetrated by) whatsoever.

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    Like you wouldn’t remember at least a silhouette? If you had sex with a man or woman? Or multiple people? NOTHING?

  4. So, are we exchanging info, or?

    Movies tend to portray the uncomfortable goodbye the morning after. But are they capturing the true details of the real-life awkwardness? Nah. In reality, you’ve probably had an uncomfortable exchange of, “Can I get your number?” or “We’ll do this again sometime…” But in the movies, we see the partying, flirtation, perfect love making, and usually nothing in between. If only, guys.

  5. Waking up looking good.

    I don’t have to be experienced with one night stands to know this is completely and utterly false. Even you aren’t the exception of looking great the morning of (what I assume was) a wild night out.

  6. Wearing perfectly matching bras and panties.


    Shit costs at least 40 bucks at Victoria’s Secret. Ain’t nobody got the budget or time for that. And for those of us who do plan on wearing immaculate undergarments with expectations of a hookup, well, we all experience the thirst at some point or another.

  7. Sensual music playing to really set the mood.

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    Because one always has a roommate to DJ the hookup, and if not makes a stop at their iPod in their drunken stumble to the bedroom.

  8. Turning your one night stand into eternal love.

    Warner Bros.

    Thanks to movies like Going the Distance, our ideals of the one night stand will be tainted forever more. There you have it. Only a fraction of one night stand awkwardness is actually captured on the big screen, and until Hollywood actually gets it right, we’ll be here shaking our heads with #NoRagrets from our own experiences.

Pizza is bae. And yes, I still say bae.