Dear ESPN, Please Continue to Exclude Justin Bieber from Your Magazine so He Keeps Posting Naked Pics

Justin Bieber posted a pic of his bare butt the night ESPN's Body Issue was revealed. Coincidence? We think not.

ESPN revealed its hand-delivered gift from God seventh annual Body Issue yesterday. Six athletes bare their badass bods for the sake of our cutthroat summer motivation tactics and cubicle daydream material.

Here’s New York Giants wide reciever Odell Beckham, Jr., making football the last thing on our mind rn.

ESPN

And Olympian Chantae McMillan, who’s making me actually commit to Pilates today and forever.

ESPN

Don’t forget Washington Nationals star Bryce Harper, who can cut you with his abs.

ESPN

Try not to stare at Cleveland Cavaliers player Kevin Love’s immaculate… physique.

ESPN

Olympian Amanda Bingson gives us life with her hardcore demeanor.

ESPN

And lastly, there’s 12-time Olympic medalist Natalie Coughlin, whose toned muscles float effortlessly in the clear blue water.

ESPN

Now, our friend Justin Bieber isn’t an athlete per say, but he posted this pic last night with the caption “Look,” and it seems like an aggressive yet delightful bargaining chip to get his own damn cover. Plus, the pic is the first of its kind. Impeccable timing, right?

Embedded from instagram.com.

I mean, look at those rock solid glutes. Perfectly rounded behind. Back chiseled enough to withstand a large boulder. And notice how he shows off his love of boating (that’s a sport, right?). Plus, he plays basketball on the reg and jumps from high objects, so it’s not impossible.

Still, ESPN and every other publication out there, hear us out and don’t give in. We’d much rather get the small thrill of seeing butt-naked Biebs on our news feeds when we least expect it. It’s just more fun that way and adds to our otherwise boring totally awesome lives, OK? Glad we had this talk. Now Biebs, get posting.

Pizza is bae. And yes, I still say bae.
@taylorferber