Things Every Non-Millennial Needs to Know to Understand Millennials

We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time. Try to keep up.
  1. We really *DGAF but GAF at the same time.

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    *Meaning “don’t give a f—k.” Yes, we put on a tough exterior during our daily hustle, but we’re, like, sensitive sometimes, OK?

  2. And on that note, we’re much too busy to spell everything out.

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    Talking on the phone is an ancient practice, and typing full words isn’t far behind.

  3. We hate selfie culture because it’s, like, so narcissistic, but we live off it at the same time.

    Bustle

    We do everything we can to get more followers, since the amount you have reflects your rank in societal hierarchy. In fact, if we don’t have our phones on us for more than 30 seconds to check all forms of social media, we literally start twitching. If you don’t post about it, it didn’t happen.

  4. We pretend we love being single but think about dying alone and/or with cats at least daily.

    Marie Claire

    And whenever a family member asks us when we’re getting married and having babies, it brings us closer to our inevitable death.

  5. We’re aware that hookup culture is a problem, but that said, we’re not deleting Tinder.

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    Our moral compass is as directionless as a literal compass on the ocean, but we’ve accepted that. And at the same time, we kind of can’t wait to be settled down with Mr. or Mrs. Right. Ironic, isn’t it?

  6. We’ll probably never stop drinking.

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    I blame college. And the lack of understanding basic human communication, as explained in #2 and #3.

  7. Fine, I’ll admit it: We put ourselves first.

    Recaps Magazine

    Yeah, yeah, we’ll get to settling down and families and happily-ever-afters later. But first, we need to kill it at our careers and make $$$. Everyone else is doing it, and it’s like we’re reviving the American Dream, you know?

  8. The early 2000s make us nostalgic.

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    Britney, boy bands, and all that good stuff. The ’90s is taking it back really far, and the ’80s are so long ago that we’re not entirely sure they existed.

  9. Student loans consume us, but we’re always down for an $80 brunch.

    Asterirsk

    Because YOLO.

  10. Coffee dates = friends zone; dinner = you’re getting it tonight.

    Yahoo!

    What’s left of the “dating” culture from the generation before ours.

  11. We’re obsessed with Instagramming food.

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    It makes us look like more complex, artistic people, I guess. Bonus points if you made it yourself. So domestic of you.

  12. We feel really good about ourselves by partaking in fads like juicing.

    Daily Touch

    We spend money and time getting all the ingredients at Trader Joe’s, later think “Screw it,” and order a pizza that night. Meanwhile, all the ingredients are left rotting in our fridge for infinity.

  13. We’re all about the hustle, yet complain about our jobs all day.

    Odyssey Online

    In fact, complaining in general is a common pastime. Are we gonna do anything to change our situation? Probably not. We’re too chill for that.

  14. We’d much rather binge-watch Netflix or HBO and eat than contribute to society.

    BuzzFeed

    We worked *all* day, the last thing we want to do is talk to someone.

  15. We don’t play about Bey.

    Blog Spot

    If you don’t like Beyoncé and publicly speak ill of her, sleep with one eye open. You’ve been warned.

  16. We know the world thinks we’re entitled, lazy, and self-obsessed.

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    The thing is, we just don’t care. In fact, we’re weirdly proud.

Here’s to hoping our kids aren’t the hot messes that we all are.

Pizza is bae. And yes, I still say bae.
@taylorferber