If you haven’t discovered comedian and actress Amy Schumer’s brilliance yet, we order you to pull up YouTube and watch her stand-up clips, or check out her Comedy Central show, Inside Amy Schumer, on-demand, before reading further. She’s a GD riot/eternal sunshine goddess, and the world is a better place because she’s breathing in it. Amy makes her jump to big-screen leading lady this Friday in Trainwreck, which she wrote and Judd Apatow directed. To get yourself ~hYpEd*, check out these facts about the comedy queen that’ll rock your world. We 201 percent guarantee she’s about to be your new crush. (Not just girl-crush. We mean crush in general.)
She has a senator in the family.
— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) July 28, 2014
That’s right. Amy is related to Chuck Schumer, the Democratic senator from New York. What’s even better is that, at one point, Chuck didn’t even know who Amy was. “I didn’t know her and now I do,” Chuck told New York Daily News last year. “She was telling people she’s my cousin, and it turns out, she is. She is Gordon Schumer’s daughter, he is a cousin of mine.” This is particularly ironic because, according to a 2013 BuzzFeed article, Amy’s never voted.
In high school, she was voted “Class Clown” and “Teacher’s Worst Nightmare.”Getty Images
But is that really surprising?
She’s petrified of aunts.ABC/The WB
We can’t make this shizz up. “On both my father’s side and mother’s side, my aunts are really bad people,” she said. “They all have personality disorders and I don’t trust them. I have a serious phobia of aunts. I’ve never met an aunt of anyone’s that I’ve trusted. My brother and sister both know that if they have kids, I will cut them out of my life, because technically I will be an aunt.” No judgment, guys. We don’t know her complete story. " text="Amy Schumer Opens Up About Her Body Image"]
She got her big movie break because Judd Apatow was caught in L.A. traffic.
This is too cool. When Judd, who directed Trainwreck, and Amy stopped by the Today show earlier this year, he revealed that he wanted to make a film with the funny girl after hearing her interview with Howard Stern while stuck in bumper-to-bumper hell. “[I] thought, ’Amy is really warm and funny and brutally honest … and I thought, ’Oh, I’d like to see her in a movie,'” he told Matt Lauer. WHAT IF HE HAD NEVER TURNED ON THE RADIO?!
She was born on the Upper East Side of New York City.
So, she’s basically Serena van der Woodsen.
She can thank Charlie Sheen for getting her own Comedy Central show.
After cracking some pretty hilarious jokes at Charlie’s Comedy Central roast in 2011, the network immediately offered Amy a blind pilot deal. This might just be the most constructive thing Mr. Sheen has ever done for society.
She used to be a toe model.Getty Images
Again, a thing we literally can’t make up. “Just my toes, and only on one foot, because s—t kind of hits the fan once you got past the toes on my feet,” she revealed, according to BuzzFeed. “But my toes are beautiful, in perfect order. I was sleeping on the beach, because that’s where I was living at the time, and someone walked up and said, ‘What are these?’ And they took all the newspaper off my body and they saw my face, so they were like, ‘No, just the toes.’ By the end, my day rate was $2,500, but they usually only needed one picture. It was per toe.” " text="10 Celebrities Who Have Gloriously Normal Bodies"]
She could’ve been on Girls.
Amy auditioned for the role of Shoshana (Zosia Mamet) on the popular HBO show, but ended up not getting the part. “Picture me with those girls,” she told Vulture in 2013. “I’m a hundred years old. It would be like, ‘Who’s that old lady?’” This is false, Amy. You’d make Girls fab AF.
Her childhood nickname was Amy Shoemaker.
Oh wow! We wonder how the youths came up with that one? “The kids would call me Amy Shoemaker instead of Schumer, because kids are, like, really creative,” Amy dished to Entertainment Weekly. “But it really made me mad, and there was a point where my parents were gonna maybe open a shoe store, and I was like, ‘You can’t do this to me! Nooo!’ I begged them and whined my way out of it. Really not that hostile of a nickname. I should have been like, ‘What?’ But I was crying about it.” Bullies, man. Bullies.