Unless you’re a perfect specimen (spoiler alert: you’re not) chances are your respective bae score fluctuates based on diet, exercise, alcohol levels, or plastic surgeon. We’ve all been there, and there’s no better source to inspire and/or depress us into stepping our cookies up than Instagram. As of late, most of my thirst has been directed in the direction of Drake.
For many of you out there, Drake was already a lusty figure in your life. Yeah, I was never completely there. Sure, he was cute from certain angles – when his face is tilted to the right to be specific – and if you’re into obsessing over Aaliyah, then certainly I can see the appeal. I did enjoy his guest hosting duties on Saturday Night Live last fall because I noticed he has great legs, but I never wanted to toss my draws his way the in the intensity that others desired to.
Now I am a changed man.
I used to say Drake looked like Captain Caveman. Before you ask, I look like Dale from Chip and Dale’s Rescue Rangers. I’ve also been told that I resemble Buster Bunny from Tiny Toon Adventures because you know, big ass teeth. So there. I’m playing fair.
Like Captain Caveman, Drake looked like there was some morsel of cuteness there, but he wasn’t putting in the extra work to drive it home.
In the last few weeks and months, something is noticeably different about Aubrey Graham. For starters, that stomach of his is so flat and tight. His arms are so big. And his chest: I’d like to give every God the glory for it.
I have no issues objectifying him. After all, this is a rapper who constantly croons and spits bars about big booty strippers. To that end, he is consistently posting thirst traps on Instagram of his more muscular build and I’m feeling thirstier than grass in California (or what’s left of grass in Cali).
There’s also the matter of his beard. Beards are an acquired taste, but Drake’s beard makes him look mighty tasty. Do I sound like a THOT? I’m fine with that. You probably are, too, if your vision is aligning with the latest visuals Drake’s been providing us.
So, I would just like to salute Drake on morphing from cute-ish goof to ultimate bae who should be JET Beauty’s of the Week. Well, if that were still a big thing. To those of you who are telling me along with the other recent converts to fall to the back of the line: nope. We are here now, so just be a peach and make room.
Drake’s new body and beard forever, y’all. Whew.