One of the more unique story lines on this most recent season of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood, the one that left us with more than a few burning questions, was the relationship between Akbar, Sade and Alejandra. We’ve seen a polygamist relationships on the franchise before, with Jasmine, Rod and Keonna from Love & Hip Hop Atlanta but this time around, we got to see more of this lifestyle works for our cast members. But we were left wondering, how did they meet? Were they always in non-monogamous relationships? How do they envision the future as they want to have more kids?
We had an opportunity to interview to talk to these three about their unconventional relationship (Akbar dated Sade exclusively for two years, met Alejandra, and then married Sade two years after that!) and what things look like for their future.
How Did Their Relationships Start?
VH1: Have you ever been in a monogamous relationship, or have you always known that a polygamous relationship was right for you?
Akbar: I was with my daughter’s mother, my ex-wife, and it didn’t work out. It was a situation of personality differences, but it wasn’t because of infidelity, cheating or anything like that. [When it didn’t work out], I decided to do something different. I was in that monogamous relationship for two years and we divorced. Since I’ve been with Sade, [it’s been more than] six years.
Sade: This [lifestyle] isn’t something that [Akbar] presented to me in the beginning of the relationship. This probably is not something I would have done, had he presented it that to me when we first met. This happened years after we were together. We had already formed a bond, and he kinda laid it on me after two and a half years of us being together by ourselves. I shut it down immediately. I was like, “No! That’s not happening.” We’re both young so we’re experimenting. Neither one of us had our fathers in our lives and we didn’t have any examples of how a marriage is supposed to go, so we’re experiment with that on our own rules within our marriage. But it’s working for us. I can’t say what would work in somebody else’s marriage but this is what is working for our marriage.
Akbar: I added another woman two years later, Alejandra, and [we] have been dealing with each other for four years.
Alejandra: I have a really strong relationship with Akbar. I’ve been with him since way 2013. We’ve been together for five years, that’s like my best friend. We have this Bonnie and Clyde relationship. We have a real open relationship. When I say that, I mean that we speak about anything.
Akbar: Alejanda bought into me, believed in me, trusted me and she fell in love with me. And she knew about Sade. But she didn’t know the extent of the relationship. And then I married Sade and, you know, that’s what threw it off, like “Hold on, what are you trying to do here?” I said I want multiple wives. It seems as if Sade does not want to lose out to Alejandra, and it seems like my relationship lasts longer when I added another woman in my life.
On Expanding Their Relationship
Akbar: Sade had an issue because she didn’t pick Alejandra. Sade wants to help through the process and that’s what I did as a man, that’s what causes the confusion and the conflict. Sade wants to pick the girl so she can control her and do some rules that I don’t agree with and that’s where you see the tension. The world didn’t get to see too much of it, but that’s where the dynamics have more to the story. In the return, I would like for Sade to pick a girl and I pick a girl to where we can see how it works with Sade picking someone that we really date and I have another girl that Alejandra can be friends with that she doesn’t control. Sade wants the full control of the woman. She wants to text the girl and be in the group text. She wants us to do everything together. And I want it separate and Sade doesn’t agree with that.
Sade: Prior to him and Alejandra, we had threesomes. I don’t have a problem with other women because I like women. I appreciate women. It’s just that, what Akbar has been doing is picking women without me. And we’re supposed to pick them together and this is the reason that all of this drama is happening because you took it upon yourself to pick these individuals without me.
On Akbar Finding “Disenfranchised” Women
You said that you find disenfranchised and forgotten women to bring into this relationship. What does that mean and why is that?
Akbar: My ex-wife, she had her master’s degree, great job, great benefits, everything, but it didn’t work out because I’m so edgy. I come from a background where my mom was on crack cocaine, my father wasn’t in my life. My mother raised ten children on her own. She was never married before. I’d never seen [women like my ex-wife] in my household. So, I attracted women [who are] similar to my mother. My mother ran away at the age of 16. I’m considered a crack baby. You know, my mother was a user when she had me. People counted me out. They never thought I was gonna get my degree. No one thought I was going to go to college. No one thought I was going to get a full-ride scholarship for basketball. Everyone counted me out. I love underdogs. I love people that everyone counts out. I don’t want the one who’s stock is high and everyone says they’re going to do [it all]. No, I want the ones who have experienced adversity, who have been through breakups, been hurt and all of that. They know what they want now. When you’re fresh, you don’t really have an identity [and] don’t really know what you want.
Alejandra: I think that if [more women are open to this lifestyle] they should [go for it]. Whatever works for them. To me, I came from relationships where I’ve been lied to, I’ve been cheated on, and when I met him, for me to build the relationship that I have with him, and for him being so open with me, it allowed me to comprehend, what more honesty, communication and loyalty was. It works for me and if it works for someone else, I’d definitely recommend it.
On Akbar’s Daughter
Akbar: So right now, Sade is the only one that’s allowed to be around my daughter. When you have a child, they’re delicate and they’re impressionable. In [regards to the romantic] situation, my child will make her own decisions in life, not because it’s something I’m forcing in her life or on her. I’m not forcing polygamy on my child. She will make a decision and as a father, I will have to support her.
Sade: He already has a daughter and I love his daughter. She’s taught me so much patience. I love their relationship, and he’s an amazing dad. I’ve never seen a father-daughter so strong as [their’s].
Alejandra: Akbar doesn’t bring his daughter around all of the multiple women and the reason why Sade is around his daughter more is because we don’t want to confuse kids. We don’t want them to be a part of the lifestyle, because you never know what they end up doing. We want to support them for what they do. I don’t speak to the mother [of his child] because I don’t want to be a part of anything that could affect the child. I love his daughter to death, she’s a sweet baby and that’s just what it is.
On Whether Or Not They Will Have More Kids
Alejandra: [Akbar and I] talk about having kids and that’s definitely something I would love, to have his child.
Sade: Well first of all, they will never have kids. [He and I have] talked about and want kids. I feel like because we don’t have kids, Akbar is having fun and living his life. When we do have kids, Alejandra is out of the picture. All of this is a done deal. So, he better have as much fun as he can before we have kids because all of this is a wrap.
Alejandra: This lifestyle is the lifestyle that he wants for him and for kids, we keep it separate, that’s just what we gotta do. For the kids, it’s just we gotta teach them love, take them to school, take them to practice. Whatever we do with them, that’s just between us and we gotta keep that separate. You don’t want to divide and conquer. It’s all love so you don’t want to mix it up. I think if he wants to have a baby, let’s say with Sade, then that’s on them. I don’t want to have anything to do with it.
On Other People’s Perception of Their Relationship:
When you came on the show, were you guys concerned about how people would perceive your relationship?
Akbar: Emotionally, I don’t attach to what others think. When you do that, you lose sight of yourself and your relationship. Like on social media, the people love and hate you. But you have so many women that are hitting me in the DMs, that want to be a part of my life, that are emailing and hitting Sade and Alejandra saying that they can related to them and they’re going through it now but they don’t want to speak on it.
If you’re happy and I’m happy, then what’s the problem? In the women that I have with me, I’m not forcing them to be with me. They choose to be in this life and they’re happy. I think that I’m being crucified at the time, right now, because people are ashamed of this life. But a lot of women out there are being cheated on by their boyfriends or husbands or fiancés and they don’t want to come out in the open because they don’t want to be embarrassed. But it’s happening all around the world. I’m just open. I’m just bring it to the light. I’m just saying, “Look, this is my lifestyle.” But what happens in the future, 5 years, 10 years, who knows? But right now, this is my life.
Sade: I’ve only explained [this arrangement] to my really close friends who are always around me and maybe a couple of family members. My mom, doesn’t really know the whole story. She doesn’t really know every single detail of our relationship, she only knows what I tell her. I was like, “Oh, it’s just a show! Don’t pay attention to that. It’s just entertainment.” She doesn’t really know, that it’s a real situation.
Alejandra: I would love to have the world see that I’m not just some girl that’s trying to come into the marriage and be the homewrecker. A lot of people think that of me. I want people to really see Akbar’s life and his real side of the story. I don’t want Sade to continue to let the world see that it’s really about her. And her being the wife. He wants multiple wives and he didn’t clear that up [at the reunion] because we didn’t have time and there were so many cast members and so much that had to be delivered that we didn’t get to show or reveal. She wanted to make it show like [Sade] is number one, [I’m] number two and whoever else comes is gonna be number three. Akbar treats me as if I’m his number one and I think he does that with every woman that he’s with. And that’s the reason why Sade came up with that. He treats her like she is his number one, but it’s not just her. She just thinks it’s really just about her and it’s not.
Akbar: Sade’s entitled to feel how she feels. Women always say that they know women, right? But as the man, my emotions are not like a woman’s so I can identify things that… the little petty stuff that women do. Like we’ll get in the car and Sade will make Alejandra sit in the back. You know what she’s trying to say, like, “You’re beneath me. Get in the back seat.” And me, being the smart one, I’ll say, “Fine, you drive. I’ll get in the back. You guys both get in the front!” On New Years, I sit between them and I can’t wait for the ball to drop [because] I can’t wait to go our separate ways because it’s too much tension. It’s tough to manage [the personalities] but I don’t have the emotional connection that the women have so it helps me try to manage them a little bit better.
Alejandra: Just the way that she expresses herself, I will express myself as well. I’m not going nowhere. I ride with him for him and we ride with each other. At the end of the day no one can break that. The only one that can break that is him or I. There are a lot of things I wish I could have done differently. We both have the same understanding. We both know that he wants to have multiple wives. But she doesn’t want the world to see it that way. She wants to be the wife. She cares a lot about what people think about her.
What’s the biggest misconception about your relationship with Akbar?
Sade: That he’s a cheater and that he doesn’t care about me. That he’s sleeping with everybody behind my back and stuff like that. Everything that Akbar does, we talk about it before he does it, so we have an open book policy, we don’t have an open relationship, but we have an open book policy. He tells me everything, we’re best friends first, before we got into a relationship.
Watch Akbar get grilled by Brooke and Teairra about his relationship at the Love & Hip Hop Hollywood reunion.