In the midst of a presidential election cycle it starts to feel like (a) everyone is running for president, and (b) all the candidates are completely out of their minds and/or pulling our leg. While the first part is most certainly true, this time around at least (there are at least 20 presidential candidates as of this writing), there have been some certifiably crazy joke candidates for Commander-in-Chief in the past. So, whether a Democrat, a Republican, or a Donald Trump (ugh) gets elected next year…let’s be thankful it’s not one of these fools.
Never has someone’s political future collapsed due to an almost indescribable primal noise like it did for Howard Dean. Dean was doing alright in his 2004 bid for the Democratic nomination. He came in third in Iowa, which revved him up a little too much, which led to this incident. Yaw, indeed.
“The Rent is Too Damn High” was not only the catchphrase of Jimmy McMillan, it’s also the name of the political party he founded (though he ran as a Republican in the 2012 race). He also ran unsuccessfully for Governor of New York twice as well as mayor of New York City. Yes, he even made a song about the rent being too damn high. Let’s be honest, he ain’t wrong.
Robert Burck (“The Naked Cowboy”)
The half-naked man in Times Square who picks up women for photo ops thought he had a shot at becoming the country’s Commander-in-Chief. In his announcement video, he cites his career politician parents and bachelor’s degree in political science as reasons to elect him. But again, this was a man who made his career singing in his underwear.
Waka Flocka Flame
On 4/20 of this year, Juaquin James Malphurs, better known as Wacka Flocka Flame, appeared in a Rolling Stone video announcing that he would run for president. Even if you wanted to cast your vote for the former Love & Hip Hop Atlanta star, he doesn’t meet the legal age requirement of 35 (he will be 30 at the time of the election).
Cynthia McKinneyGetty Images
McKinney is a lesser known name who ran as a Green Party candidate in 2008. As a U.S. Representative for six non-consecutive terms, that means she’s all business, right? Well, that depends if you include the fact that one of her priorities in congress was a bill “to provide for the expeditious disclosure of records relevant to the life and death of Tupac Amaru Shakur.” Only God can judge, though.
This one dates back a bit, but if you watched SNL 40, it will seem eerily familiar. Much like a circa 1992 Donald Trump, Perot thought that if you had enough money then you would make a fantastic president, even as an independent (this Trump comparison is getting eery). Almost more notable than his campaign was the number of times that Saturday Night Live cast member Dana Carvey imitated him on the show.
Okay, sure, technically it wasn’t Sarah Palin who was running…but it was still a scary thought that she was nearly elected as the understudy for president. Everything that came out of her mouth was basically a joke, and it almost certainly tanked John McCain’s chances of seeing himself in the White House.
Joe BidenGetty Images
We know that Joe Biden is everybody’s spirit animal, and that’s totally cool, but it was certainly not always that way. Before Biden was the Veep, he ran for the Oval Office twice himself, in 1988 and 2008. In his first election he plagarized a healthy chunk of a speech from a British Politician (mind you this was pre-Internet, so he thought he could get away with it). Then, in 2008, he made this comment when referring to Indian-Americans: “In Delaware, the largest growth in population is Indian-Americans moving from India. You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I’m not joking.”
Paris HiltonEmbedded from www.funnyordie.com.
Loves it. The Simple Life heiress probably wasn’t entirely serious when she appeared in a Funny or Die video on a lounge chair to outline her energy policy but it was quite the fantasy while it lasted. Some would argue that she would still be a better choice than…
Donald TrumpGetty Images
Sorry, Donald. None of us take you seriously.