Andre 3000 turns a young 37 today. While wishing him a very happy birthday we figured we’d plead our case for him to call up his bro Big Boi so they can get in the studio for another classic Outkast LP. Stat.
Sure there must be good money in making those Gillette commercials with Adrien Brody and Gael García Bernal. Cool story bro. However, the fans’ patience has worn thin. We’re no longer patiently waiting an Outkast album. It’s been seven long years, fam. Your brother Big Boi is on some real grown up stuff, and he’s ready to get to work. But no. You shut down all of our dwindling hopes when Big Boi added his verse to Frank’s “Pink Matter” with that awful press release stating “these aren’t Outkast collaborations.” Why won’t you let a great thing be great?
It’s your birthday so don’t take this as us coming for you. Hey, we’re just fans of the music. Outkast helped integrate NY radio for southern rappers. Y’all are (or were?) that damn good. We don’t want to imagine a world without anymore collaborative music from the duo who created Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik and Aquemini and Speakerboxxx/The Love Below although we should’ve taken the hint with the latter. Music needs you, together, with Big Boi. Hopefully you’re in a studio somewhere–together–enjoying your birthday of course.
1. “Had to do some Gillette sh*t.”
Yeah Big Boi said that with no ill intent we’re sure, but it’s true. Every time we see you all dapper for Gillette we throw ourselves from the sofa realizing the Outkast album that may never be.
2. You’re such a tease.
And they say women are teases. Ha! “Pink Matter” was such a tease because once again we thought there was hope. Then you annihilated the game with one verse, one freaking verse, on T.I.’s “Sorry.” We just knew that was a warm up for what was to come. But noooooo. Andre Tease 3000.
3. Everything’s all good so where’s the music?
Big Boi is tired of answering questions about Outkast. He said your kids play together and y’all have personal time with each others’ families. That’s great! If everything is all daisies in the park, what’s good on some studio sessions? At least try.
4. Baby mama loving.
Just imagine your baby’s mother, Ms. Erykah Badu, having some new Outkast material to jam to as she plots her next ankh tattoo. The booty don’t lie.
6. Your schedule ain’t that busy.
What else are you doing? Not that it’s any of our business, but we’re just sayin’.
7. Idlewild can’t be the finale.
No shade to Idlewild because it’s unconventional style was praised. That just can’t be the last Outkast project. You two have to have more to say. That musical genius has been bubbling inside of you for so long now a classic has to come pouring out.
8. One of a kind.
What other rapper is going to do this on stage and actually be a beast with his flow? No one like you.
9. “Hey Ya!”
Granted this was solely your own song, your performance. But what’s the last award show you’ve performed at? Yeah we’re scratching our heads too.
10. Do it for the fans.
Ok, we’re entitled, spoiled brats who think it’s all about us. And no, you don’t owe us anything. But by all means feel guilt tripped into the studio with Big Boi for a seventh album if you think you owe it to the fans.
Happy Birthday, 3000! We’re only saying it because we care.