Things That Make You Go Hmmm On Kanye’s Yeezus

What’s that you say, Ye? Indian hair no moccasins. No sports bra, let’s keep it bouncing. Whatever it is Kanye West means by these rhymes on Yeezus we’re laughing. Loudly. Because, who says stuff like this?

Yeezus isn’t what anyone expected. It is, though, unapologetically Kanye in all his unintentional humor glory. His sixth solo album accomplished all any artist could ask for: It made people feel a way. It was too misogynist for some critics taste. Others found it to be the ultimate mastery of pulling off his biggest stunt. We have our own thoughts on Yeezus, but we’d much rather shed light on all the verses that resulted in a hearty cackle. Is he serious? Is Ye trolling us with some of these bars?

What makes lines like “Hurry up with my damn Croissants” actually funny is the likelihood that Kanye in no way intended the album to be comedic. But it is. And we’re laughing.

Take my number and lock it in/Indian hair, no moccasins – “On Sight”
Is Indian hair different then Malaysian or Yaki? Yeezy’s into women with Indian hair, but leave your moccasins at home.

No sports bra, let’s keep it bouncing – “On Sight”
Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty ladies have Ye’s approval to let their boobs hang free at last.

I am a God/So hurry up with my damn massage/In a French-as* restaurant/Hurry up with my damn croissants – “I Am A God”
He has French croissant taste with Burger King’s ’Have It Your Way’ patience.

P*ssy had me floating/Feel like Deepak Chopra – “Hold My Liquor
“Who is he?” Deepak Chopra tweeted to a fan asking if he’d heard Kanye’s shoutout. Yeah, Ye got sonned.

Careless whispers, eye f*ckin’, bitin’ as*/Neck, ears, hands, legs, eatin’ as* – “I’m In It”
Is Kanye trying to tell the world he’s a fan of eating booty? No judgment.

Eatin’ Asian p*ssy, all I need was sweet and sour sauce – “I’m In It”
Because sweet and sour sauce is the perfect condiment for a little oral as long as it’s an Asian chick. Really, dude?

Uh, black girl sippin’ white wine/Put my fist in her like a civil rights sign – “I’m In It”
That sounds like it hurts. And like the Asian/sweet and sour sauce line we won’t even delve into how problematic this is.

Uh, they be balling in the D-League/Uh, I be speaking Swaghili – “I’m In It”
Swag must die so that Swaghili never lives.

Trying to get a baby, now you talkin’ crazy/I don’t give a damn if you used to talk to Jay-Z/He ain’t with you, he with Beyoncé, you need to stop actin’ lazy – “Blood on the Leaves”
Stop being lazy with what exactly? Getting a baby by a rapper? That’s not hard. Ask K…oh nevermind.

I hit her with Jamaican d*ck, I’m the new Shabba/She lookin’ for her daddy, call me Big Poppa – “Guilt Trip”

She say “Can you get my friends in the club?”/I say “Can you get my Benz in the club?”/If not, treat your friends like my Benz/Park they ass outside ’til the evening end – “Send It Up”
Girl, Kanye ain’t got time to get you and a plus one in the club. You’re just going to have to leave them outside.

Rock Forever 21 but just turned thirty– “Bound 2”
Not everyone can look the old sofa your grandmother covers with plastic in thousand dollar garments like Ye’s girl Kim.

I wanna f*ck you hard on the sink/After that, give you something to drink/Step back, can’t get spunk on the mink – “Bound 2”
Remember when Samantha from Sex and the City complained about a guy’s nasty tasting spunk. That’s what made us holler laughing. Cue PETA outrage in 5…

Damn what Jerome Rome Rome think? – “Bound 2”
I said Jerome in the house! You’d only get it if you watched the 90s sitcom Martin.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images and IMDB]