Guess The Heavy Metal Crotch: Do You Know Which Rock Gods These Loins Belong To?

Rock and roll is for the most part about sex. Actually the term “Rock N’ Roll” is an old blues term which literally refers to rocking and rolling between the sheets, creating the two-backed beast, getting busy, in other words, having sex. So it makes sense that the music itself often deals with the actions happening down in the nether regions. Heavy metal, being one of the most outrageous permutations of rock n’roll, has a long history of not only celebrating that most holy of holies in song but in costume as well. From the skin-tight pants of ’70s rockers like Led Zeppelin that left little to the imagination to the attention grabbing codpieces of Kiss and others, heavy metal bands have always tried to bring your eyes below the belt. So rather than trying to dress things up and talk about rock n’ roll as a force for revolutionary self-examination and critical thinking we think it’s time to celebrate the great crotches of hard rock, both male and female. Take a guilt-free gander at the following groins and see if you can guess the rock gods they’re attached to. We promise not to judge if you stare too long.

This “metal god” kept things hot rockin’ on stage by driving out mid-concert on a motorcycle.

That’s right, it’s none other than Judas Priest singer Rob Halford.

Like Halford, the following set of loins belongs to a high-pitched singer who hailed from the English Midlands.

Led Zeppelin singer Robert Plant grew up in Birmingham, England along with the members of Judas Priest and Black Sabbath.

These leather-clad legs belong to one of the founding fathers of the Irish rock scene.

Legendary Thin Lizzy leader Phil Lynott was so beloved in his hometown of Dublin, Ireland they erected a statue of him in his honor.

This metal codpiece belongs to the bassist in one of the ’70s most theatrical bands.

Gene Simmons of Kiss was a comic enthusiast who wanted his band to give fans more than their money’s worth when they came to their concerts with costumes and pyrotechnics.

This fetish-inspired outfit dons the groin of one of the most groundbreaking guitarists in rock.

Lita Ford first made her name playing in all-girl hard rock band The Runaways with Joan Jett before launching a successful solo career and recently was That Metal Show’s first female musical guest.

This codpiece adorns the hips of the man born with the very un-metal name of Brian Hugh Warner.

You know him better though as shock-rocker Marilyn Manson.

Speaking of shocking, this terrifying crotch belongs to one of the most over-the-top bands in the entire universe.

Oderus Urungus and his band GWAR first came on the scene after being banished to Earth for cosmic crimes against their master and decided to start the sickest band in metal history.

These fertile loins belong to one of the most beloved singers in the international metal scene.

Former Warlock singer and solo star Doro Pesch was born in Düsseldorf, Germany and is a huge metal star in Europe and respected by some of metal’s biggest names.

This crotch belongs to one of hard rock’s greatest musicians.

Deep Purple keyboardist Jon Lord was the first musician to ever plug an organ into a Marshall stack and his distorted lines are the anchor to many of the band’s mightiest riffs.

Though currently clad in leather, these loins were known to sport loincloths in previous years.

Eric Adams and Manowar pioneered power metal on such albums as 1982’s Battle Hymns and
Into Glory Ride from 1983.