Alright guys, are you ready for this? Lindsay Lohan’s debut album Speak turns 10 today. That’s right, 10. It’s been a decade since Lohan was barely legal, dancing on building rooftops and complaining about those pesky ~*rUmOrs and #haterz. Do you feel old yet? We certainly do.
But in all seriousness, Lohan’s first musical effort was a perfectly harmless collection of cheese-tastic teeny-bopper kitsch, complete with angsty guitars, yearning wails and — yes — danceable beats. However, we can’t help but wonder what exactly Lohan was thinking about as she recorded this collection of bubbly tracks.
After all, 2003/2004 Lohan is very different than 2014 Lohan (i.e: less criminal charges, rehab stints and Oprah-crafted reality shows). Back in the early 2000s, she was more concerned with messing up Regina George’s life, pining over Wilmer Valderrama and clashing with fellow tween queen Hilary Duff over the one true icon, Aaron Carter. Those were the days.
Below, we take a crack at what Lohan was ruminating over on Speak. Let us know your fondest memories from this golden album in the comments below.
Lyrics: “Why don’t you tell her what’s been going on/ Cuz she seems to be dreaming instead of just leaving/ If you don’t have the heart to fill her in/Then just step aside and let me lay it on the line/Cuz you’re mine”
Lohan’s thoughts: Damn it, Carter. This isn’t your party, so Hilary can’t come get it. LOVE ME.
2. “Nobody ’Til You”
Lyrics: “Till you, I was nothing but lonely nights/ There was nothing but sad goodbyes/ For me to fall through/Come true, my dreams are awakening/Somebody is making me/The only one in the room”
Lohan’s thoughts: Fez, go get me some McDonald’s and tell me that I’m beautiful.
3. “Symptoms of You”
Lyrics: “I’m not ill, I don’t need to/ Take a pill to fix what you do/Cure can’t come through/ Cuz baby all I do is suffer from/The symptoms of you”
Lyrics: “Speak; come on and let it out/Give it to me; you know that I can take it”
Lohan’s thoughts: Even though I wasn’t allowed to like Aaron, I was still allowed to look at him. And think about him. And…talk to him?
Lyrics: “I cant live without you/Can’t breathe without you, I dream about you honestly/Tell me that it’s over”
Lohan’s thoughts: That’s it. Wilmer’s going in the Burn Book. #SorryBoutIt
6. “Something I Never Had”
Lyrics: “Am I a shadow on your wall/Am I anything at all/Anything to you”
Lohan’s thoughts: STFU Mom, you’re ruining my life! And Jake doesn’t even know I exist, so I can just go back to wearing my shirts inside out and having dramatic highlights/getting detention in hopes that he’ll notice me.
7. “Anything But Me”
Lyrics: “And it’s so hard to live her dreams/When the everything that they want you to be/Is anything but me”
Lohan’s thoughts: Maybe, ya know, I shouldn’t hang out with Paris and Nicole? Nah, we good.
Lyrics: “Broken off again/And I’m only not lonely when I’m lonely by myself/(Disconnected)/Numb in the pain again; I always back track forward/Cuz all in all I’m disconnected”
Lohan’s thoughts: S—t, my Sidekick broke.
9. “To Know Your Name”
Lyrics: “Everybody wants to know our love/Everybody talks about our love/Everybody wants to know your name”
Lohan’s thoughts: Starts with a W, six syllables. Kinda sounds like a whimsical Charlotte’s Web character. But that’s all I can tell you, Us Weekly.
10. “Very Last Moment In Time”
Lyrics: “Live like it’s the last moon rising/Scream just like no one’s there”
Lohan’s thoughts: YAAAAAAS, I’m legal! Let me whip my hair on the cover of Rolling Stone and be iconic.
Lyrics: “Is it gravity, chemistry, physically pullin me/What could it be boy/Cause I’m so drawn to you”
Lohan’s thoughts: Seriously, Carter. Love me. I have red hair.
Lyrics: “I’m tired of rumors starting/I’m sick of being followed/I’m tired of people lying/Saying what they want about me”
Lohan’s thoughts: *Anger* over Regina’s bulls—t: “I’m not saying she’s a stalker, but she saved this Kleenex you used, and she said she’s gonna do some kind of African voodoo with it to make you like her.”
[Photo Credit: Casablanca Records]
*This post is parody-style and intended to be humorous. Lohan never thought any of these statements (to our knowledge), though we wish she did. We love Lohan and wish her nothing but the best.