There are some albums that almost reach the pinnacle of musical perfection, but fall short just because of one poor song choice. You know the one: a sour note in an otherwise harmonious collection of hits. On an album full of gems, it’s the song you skip over every time, no matter how many times you try not too. To be blunt, the song just sucks. From Katy Perry’s “Ur So Gay” to Kanye West’s “Drunk and Hot Girls,” here are the truly terrible songs that ruined albums that otherwise defined perfection.
ALBUM YOU LOVE: One Of The Boys – Katy Perry
SONG YOU HATE: “Ur So Gay”
Argh. Katy. We barely have words. The pop star’s debut would have been absolutely impeccable — “I Kissed A Girl”, “Hot & Cold”, “Waking Up In Vegas”, “Thinking Of You” — if it wasn’t for this horrible blight of a song. “Ur So Gay” is reductive and backwards. Even in 2008, when One Of The Boys was released, it was not even slightly okay to use the word “gay” as a slur. “Ur So Gay” is so offensive we skip over it every time we’re listening to the album. Now we’re able to remove it entirely, thanks to the magic of Spotify.
ALBUM YOU LOVE: Thriller – Michael Jackson
SONG YOU HATE: “The Lady In My Life”
Thriller wasn’t just a great album, it was an album that changed music and changed people. It’s touted as one of the greatest albums of all time, and Michael Jackson, for all his flaws, one of the greatest musicians of all time. Except for the track “The Lady In My Life,” a hot turd at the end of one of the most iconic and memorable albums ever. Coming in at the end of all that Thriller brilliance, “The Lady In My Life” is a giant snooze fest, a tacky ’80s throwback that sounds more like it came from the George Michael reject bin than the mouth of MJ. It’s just so uninspiring.
ALBUM YOU LOVE: Graduation – Kanye West
SONG YOU HATE: “Drunk and Hot Girls” (featuring Mos Def)
Remember when Kanye West was just an emerging hip hop genus? Graduation is one of those unforgettable early Kanye albums that’s so good it makes us put up with all this Yeezus, leather jogging pants palaver. Next to classics like “Can’t Tell Me Nothing”, “Stronger” and “Good Life”, “Drunk and Hot Girls” is a lazy addition to an album that’s otherwise flawless without it. The repetition of the title throughout the entirety of the song is annoying as hell, and Kanye’s purposeful bad singing at around the three and a half minute mark is just painful. And that’s not even mentioning that the subject matter is horribly sexist, and even a little bit rapey.
ALBUM YOU LOVE: Destiny Fulfilled – Destiny’s Child
SONG YOU HATE: “Cater 2 U”
What would life be without Destiny’s Child? Nothing. Life would be nothing. That’s the answer. Destiny Fulfilled isn’t Destiny’s Child’s best, but it’s still an incredible album with tracks like “Lose My Breath” and “Soldier” (featuring T.I. and Lil Wayne). Not a bad lineup, right? But then there’s “Cater 2 U.” The biggest mistake of Beyonce’s career, the track is about woman being a subservient mistress and maid to a man. As if that’s not enough, it’s musically uninspired. Certainly one of those songs we’ve collectively blocked from our cultural memories.
ALBUM YOU LOVE: Beyoncé – Beyoncé
SONG YOU HATE: “Haunted”
Beyoncé’s self-titled visual album was so perfect we almost died over it. We’re still hooked on “Drunk In Love”, “Pretty Hurts” and “Flawless” even a year later. Even songs that weren’t as mainstream popular, like “Mine”, “Jealous” and “Rock It” are pop perfection. Then there’s “Haunted”. Which is kind of okay, if you don’t mind Beyoncé awkwardly rapping for the first half of the song. Who are we kidding, everyone minds Beyoncé awkwardly rapping for the first half of the song. Luckily the video is super cool, and doesn’t have the horrible rapping part included on the album.
ALBUM YOU LOVE: Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded – Nicki Minaj
SONG YOU HATE: “Stupid Hoe”
We were so excited about Nicki Minaj’s Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded, because we adored Pink Friday so much. But when it was released with the fart of a song, “Stupid Hoe”, at the end, we were severely disappointed. The track is more likely to induce a heart attack or anxiety than any kind of enjoyment, so we just stop the album at the end of “Gun Shot” and pretend like “Stupid Hoe” doesn’t exist.
ALBUM YOU LOVE: Body Talk – Robyn
SONG YOU HATE: “We Dance To The Beat”
Body Talk is a perfect album. If you like electro-dance but with a lite pop-vibe, then this is the pinnacle. You won’t be able to sit still listening to tracks like “Dancing On My Own”, “Hang With Me”, “Indestructible” and “Call Your Girlfriend.” “We Dance To The Beat”, despite what the title may suggest, is just a boring and robotic repetitive track that you’d hear at any old strobe-heavy euro-dance club. That is to say, completely uninspired compared to the rest of the otherwise flawless album.
ALBUM YOU LOVE: This Is Happening – LCD Soundsystem
SONG YOU HATE: “Drunk Girls”
Weird that another hated song has the words “drunk” and “girl” in the title. Coincidence? LCD Soundsystem’s parting offering, This Is Happening, embodied everything we’d come to love about the band with tracks like “Dance Yrself Clean”, “I Can Change” and “Pow Pow.” Suffice to say, “Drunk Girls” was simply blowhard-y and annoying. The rest of the album is perfect, though. Sob. We miss you James Murphy!
ALBUM YOU LOVE: Oops!… I Did It Again – Britney Spears
SONG YOU HATE: “Dear Diary”
Oops!… I Did It Again, Britney’s sophomore release, was arguably even better than her first album. From the title track and “Stronger” (a pop classic), to “Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know” and “Lucky”, Oops!… is essential pop in all its glory. Until you get to the closing track, “Dear Diary”, which is sappy, saccharine, and so very terrible. Lucky it’s last, and we can just shut it down before our ears are exposed to that afterthought of a song. Which incidentally is the only song on the album Britney has a writing credit on. We’re just going to leave that right there…
[Photo: Getty Images]