Yesterday was Brandy Norwood’s 35th birthday. We have to say, we’re a little shocked. It feels like Brandy’s been in the game so long she could have been 100. To celebrate, we’re taking a look back at her musical duel with Monica, “The Boy Is Mine” and we’re going to decide once and for all who won that fight. And it’s not just Brandy vs Monica we’re concerned with today. We’re going head to head for Usher vs R. Kelly, Beyonce vs Shakira, Michael Jackson vs Paul McCartney and a host of other iconic romantic song battles. Want to know who came out on top? Check out our rankings after the jump.
“The Boy Is Mine” – Brandy vs Monica
We’re never big fans of the idea of two women fighting over a man, but Brandy and Monica have one of the best songs of the 90s in “The Boy Is Mine”. Their rivalry in the track is evenly matched, and in the video the two pull a full throttle girl power move by turning the tables on their cheating man (amazingly played by Mekhi Phifer).
Who won? Even though the women fought over their dastardly beau at first, in the end the banded together against the real asshole: the man who was dating them both at the same time! We think they’re both winners here, as is the strength of the sisterhood.
“Same Girl” – Usher vs R. Kelly
In “Same Girl”, Usher and R. Kelly discover the’ve both been unwittingly dating the titular same girl, and that they’re both madly in love with her. They attempt a Brandy and Monica style ambushing of the girl, only to discover they’ve been dating identical twins, which is insane considering the lyrics describe the woman right down to the car she drives, her tattoos, her nickname and her job, which means that two identical twins are living the exact same life with absolutely no deviations.
Who won? Well, Ush and Kelly both won in the end given the whole twin thing, but if it had’ve really been the same girl, we’d say Usher would have been the one losing. You don’t want to be double dipping with R. Kelly given his questionable sexual history.
“The Girl Is Mine” – Michael Jackson vs Paul McCartney
The king of pop and king of rock are love rivals in “The Girl Is Mine”, both claiming they have the singular affection of the same woman.
Who won? Too easy: Sir Paul. Michael doesn’t even come close, given that the lyrics make him seem like a creepy stalker. He admits the girl in question walks in his “dreams”, and Paul gets him with, “Sending roses and your silly dreams really just a waste of time”, which makes it sound like Mickey’s feelings might be unrequited and maybe a bit obsessive too.
When two diva powerhouses go head to head over the same fella, it’s rough going. Babs and Kim both seem to be having a relationship with the same guy in “Make No Mistake, He’s Mine” and both seem convinced that he loves them more than the other.
Who won? We’re giving this one to Barbara. Just because of that voice. How can you argue with that? Whatever she says, we believe. Sorry Kim.
The two American Idols face off over a man: one that J-Hud claims to have been in a relationship with for ten years, while Fantasia also insists that she’s his one and only.
Who won? Fantasia! In the song she rings Jennifer to break the news, and it’s rational compared to Jen who refuses to hear her out. Fantasia takes that Brandy and Monica girl-power track, singing, “I’m just trying to talk to you baby/ Woman to woman/ Like two adults/ Not trying to start no commotion/ But the man you claim is yours/ Says he’s mine and he loves me too.” That seems like the upstanding, right thing to do, while Jennifer staunchly stands her ground, staking her territory.
So this song, no joke, is about Nick Carter stealing his little brother’s girlfriend. Talk about brotherly love right?
Who won? We’re going to say Aaron. It’s not clear whether or not he got the girl, but we’re putting the bad behavior on big brother Nick, who should be setting a good example for little bro and not muscling in on his love interest. Also, Nick, date someone more age appropriate.
“Beautiful Liar” – Beyonce vs Shakira
Shakira is one brave woman going up against Queen Bey in love. But then again, Shakira’s hips don’t lie, so she can hold her own! In “Beautiful Liar”, Bey and Shakira are both being “played” by the same guy.
Who won? In the spirit of Brandy and Monica, both girls came out on top, ending their respective relationships with the cheater after finding out about the other. They sing, “Let’s not kill the karma/ Let’s not start a fight/ It’s not worth the drama/ For a beautiful liar/ Can’t we laugh about it/ It’s not worth our time/We can live without ’em/ Just a beautiful liar.” We love to see the ladies getting along, especially when it’s the man who’s being the love rat.
In “Same Script, Different Cast,” Whitney Houston’s man is leaving her for Deborah Cox, and she’s going all Toni Braxton on her with a clear warning disclaimer.
Who won? Whitney concedes defeat, but is something of a sore loser, telling Deb just how untrustworthy her man can be because history repeats itself and you know, same script, different cast.