Last night Comedy Central hosted their highly anticipated Roast of Justin Bieber. Hosted by it-comedian Kevin Hart, celebrities, rappers, basketball players, and Martha Stewart (?) gathered together to rip on the once beloved child pop sensation turned boyfriend you never want your daughter to bring home. Amazingly, no one went in too hard on his photoshopped bulge for Calvin Klein.
“Tonight we are gonna do what parents and the legal system should have done a long time – give the boy an ass-whuppin’ he deserves,” states Kevin Hart. And that is exactly what happened. The roast doesn’t air until March 30, but we compiled the best jokes from last night’s event featuring Shaq, Hannibal Buress, Jeffery Ross, Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) and even the Biebs himself.
Bieber has 10 million fans – most are in middle schools, or standing at least 500 feet away from one.” – Kevin Hart
“I always encouraged people to stay classy. And what’s more classy than hanging out with Floyd Mayweather?” – Ron Burgundy
“Justin’s fan are called beliebers because it’s politically incorrect to use the word retards.” – Natasha Legerro
“A lot of people are upset that Justin hasn’t won a Grammy. There is Martha Stewart. She can be your grammy.” – Jeff Ross
“Selena Gomez couldn’t be here tonight. Just because she didn’t want to be here.” – Kevin Hart
“Justin as a father of six you have to straighten up, son. Last year, you were ranked the fifth most-hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that high. And he uses your music to torture people.” – Shaquille O’Neal
“Chris D’Elia is here. He’s Justin’s favorite comedian. Wow. What an endorsement. That’s like being Shaq’s favorite poet.”– Jeffrey Ross
“I’ve come up with a douche that no one has ever heard of, you know, like Chris D’Elia.” – Martha Stewart
“Justin, you are the King Joffrey of Pop.”– Jeffrey Ross
“All these rappers on stage and Martha stewart has done the most jail time.” – Natasha Legerro
“Justin wants to be black so bad he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters.” – Ludacris
“He’s Justin Bieber’s favorite comic, which is why he has ’duh’ in the middle of his name.” – Kevin Hart, introducing Chris D’Elia
“Those Calvin Klein billboards you made are terrible. And I was in Whitney – Chris D’Elia
“What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.” – Justin Bieber
Also, check out how Justin Bieber prepared for his roasting with the Gossip Table below.
[Photo: Getty Images]