Kris Jenner’s Recipe For Being the Ultimate Momager (And Winning at Life)

Who run the world? Kris.

Kris Jenner’s new cookbook In the Kitchen With Kris: A Kollection of Kardashian-Jenner Family Favorites gives us the recipes to Kris’ pumpkin bread, chicken soup, and more comfort foods, but what the business mogul has really shown us over the years is what it takes to dominate life. She is the backbone to the ever-so-strong Kardashian-Jenner klan, the driving force behind Kim Kardashian’s success and the family’s businesses—thus making the term “momager” Webster-worthy.

After 10 years of reality show ups and downs, Kris has always come out on top with grace. Cheers (with white wine, obviously) to having it all and enjoying the ride regardless of the khaos along the way. You’re just a few over-bookings and speakerphone chats away from being top-notch momager status: Kris Jenner style.

  1. A glass (or two, or three) of wine

    tumblr

    Kris shows us that it’s okay to indulge, not only to take the edge off every now and then but to maintain your sanity. All that hustling requires some rejuvenation, after all. Note: if wine doesn’t do the trick, no harm in experimenting with some marijuana gummy bears.

  2. Own 3+ clothing boutiques

    wifflegif

    You know the worth of a dollar and you’re way too hungry for that cash flow. What? Like you would have your hands full with just DASH and Smooch anyway? Yawn.

  3. Crack the whip

    Embedded from www.youtube.com.

    Because with that many people in your family, who else would get everyone’s asses in line?

  4. Exercise YOLO mentality frequently

    tumblr

    Kris picked up a lesson from her own daughter Kourtney. If you have to steal Kim’s BFF Jonathan Cheban for the day to eat corn dogs or go for a wine tasting, then you just have to. You can’t put up with that boring new-mom attitude all the time.

  5. Cry if you want to

    Embedded from www.youtube.com.

    It’s virtually impossible to hold it together all of the time, even if your kids will roll their eyes at you when you burst out crying randomly like while out to eat. Fierce momagers are human too.

  6. Throw your daughter a bridal shower against her wishes

    Embedded from www.youtube.com.

    Because she’ll end up thanking you for all of the memories, and by memories we mean Instagram-worthy moments.

  7. Take part in any and every embarrassing exercise class that you can

    Perez Hilton

    SoulCycle, pole dancing, and all, know that a good workout knows no age.

  8. Deal with whatever shit hits the fan

    Embedded from www.youtube.com.

    Literally.

  9. “Accidentally” sell your daughter’s private calendar to the public

    bohomoth

    We’d be lying if we said we didn’t secretly enjoy when Kris sold Kim’s birthday gift, her private 12-month calendar for then-boyfriend Reggie Bush, to the world. Keep up with the hustle, Kim.

  10. Overbook your kids

    wifflegif

    This may cause you to accidentally overlook interview details as well. For the billionth time, Khloe does not want to talk about her divorce—but you’re going to make her anyway. You got her the interview in the first place and that’s all that matters. Kris knows she also gave birth to her kids, which ultimately makes everything else void.

  11. Tell your kids about these “accidents” via speaker phone

    wordpress

    Because it’s the easiest mode of communication to tell your kids you accidentally overbooked them, overlooked interview questions, sold their private pictures or all of the above.

  12. Set up your own semi-nude photo shoot

    E!

    Why should your kids’ assets steal all the spotlight? You’re the own they got it from anyway.

  13. Laugh off the haters

    Embedded from www.youtube.com.

    Sometimes, even after a little wine, you could really just use a good laugh to clear your mind of those ridiculous rumors. #HiHater.

And if you follow all of these steps, your kids will think of you like this in no time…

Perez Hilton

Pizza is bae. And yes, I still say bae.
@taylorferber