Do I have a Jason-size concussion, or have we gone a full three episodes into this season of True Blood without one sex scene? This is very disturbing, guys. I thought for sure Eric would at least get it on with the governor’s daughter, just for a fun interlude between vampire rights crises, but no such luck. We’ll have to make do with that super-charged scene of him licking his own blood off her finger. That Miss Willa Burrell is but one of the many new characters we can’t tell whether to trust or not — was she going to lick Eric’s blood to get the power to escape, or just for sexytimes? While we wait for the mysteries of Ben Flynn, the Vampire Unity kids and Niall to slowwwwly unravel, let’s look back at the WTF-ery of the episode.
1. Bill’s on fire, AGAIN. “You’re not god, Bill. You’re just an a–hole,” Sookie tells him later in the episode. Ha! He’s not quite as invincible as he thought, but still quite scary.
2. Sarah Newlin Is Back! Pretty please, reunite with Jason soon! After her success with Pitch Perfect and The Mindy Project and other roles, we’re so excited to see her back on True Blood. Now she’s traded innocent preacher’s wife shtick for big-haired politixxx; but we rather than torture her husband for real, all she did was tease him. No fun.
3. Scaring Little Girls, Part 1. WTF, Rikki? We know you live in the twisted, trashy world of werewolves, but is it really OK to talk like that to a girl who has been kidnapped every other week since her parents were killed?
4. Fairy Massacre. Warlow really did a number on the fairy club. Even though it was kind of Niall to send Corbett back “home,” we’re still not sure whether to trust Niall. Also, does this mean Andy’s girls lost their mom, too?
5. Scaring Little Girls, Part 2. Uh-oh. Bill got a whiff of Andy’s rapidly growing fairy daughters, who are still only known by numbers. “Time goes so fast,” he tells the sheriff. “They’ll be out of the house before you know it.” Not OK, Bill. Not. OK.