In her new movie The To Do List, Aubrey Plaza plays a high school graduate blindly following a list of sexual experiences deemed necessary to have accomplished before entering college, without any regard for shame. On Parks and Recreation Plaza’s April Ludgate needs no assistance when it comes to taking on the world in her own dark and twisted way, or creating fake dates far into the future to help get her boss (Ron Swanson) out of unwanted meetings.
To help those why may feel lost on this fine summer Friday, here are 10 rules to live by, courtesy of the Pawnee Parks Department’s most cheerful employee.
1. BE WARY OF BIG BUSINESSES
“I don’t know who Ann Taylor is but I hate her and want to kill her.”
2. BE OPEN TO LOVE
“I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?”
3. EXPOSE YOURSELF TO CULTURE
“I had to finish watching Swimfan because it was… on.”
4. CAMRADERIE IS OVERRATED
“I love games that turn people against each other.”
5. HAVE AN ECLECTIC TASTE IN MUSIC
“To be perfectly honest, Mouse Rat’s music is not my thing. I really only listen to like German death reggae, Halloween sound effects from the 1950s, and Bette Midler. Obviously.”
6. TURN-ONS ARE PERSONAL
“I’m an eyebrow girl. I want to make out with him and chew his eyebrows off.”
7. NO SPECIAL TALENT IS TOO SMALL
“I can tell instantly whether someone is fat or pregnant with 60% accuracy.”
8. NEVER FORGET THE GREAT COMBINATION OF “FUN” AND “WONDER”
9. ALWAYS ESTABLISH HOUSE RULES
“If you ever watch a sad movie you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you’ve been crying.”
10. AIM HIGH!
“I wish I was an old sea hag rotting on a pirate ship somewhere, blood all over my face.”
[Photo Credit: Getty Images]