Oh Gwyneth. You know how to push our buttons and make us question our love for you. How you love to prod us with your snug ways and GOOP-y self. Oh, how you make us Tina Fey eye roll, especially in the 40th year of your life. We know it’s your birthday (p.s. happy 41st birthday) but you torture us so…
Here’s a chronological look back at every time we rolled our eyes at Gwyneth Paltrow:
1) Oct. 11, 2012: When GOOP and Cameron Diaz rapped for Chelsea Handler.
2) Nov. 22, 2012: When GOOP recommended we buy a $2,200 fitness bike for him.
3) Nov. 22, 2012: And used the phrase: ’Ride or Die.’
4) April 12, 2013: When GOOP bravely stood next a Lederhose-clad Robert Downey, Jr. at the Germany premiere of Iron Man 3.
5) April 20, 2013: When GOOP thought she was being cute when she cupped Lee Mack’s testicles on The Graham Norton Show.
6) December 31, 2012: When GOOP danced back up for Jay Z.
7) May, 2013: When GOOP revealed her guilty pleasure.
“My one light American Spirit that I smoke once a week, on Saturday night.”
8) May, 2013:And then she provided her contradictory thoughts on the beauty business.
“You know, I use organic products, but I get lasers. It’s what makes life interesting, finding the balance between cigarettes and tofu.”
9) May, 2013: When GOOP hallucinated.
“I’ll never forget it. I was starting to hike up the Red Rocks, and honestly, it was as if I’d heard the rock say: ’You have the answers. You are your teacher.’ I thought I was having an auditory hallucination.”
10) May 06, 2013: When GOOP thought this outfit was “punk.”
11) May 09, 2013: When a poor New York magazine writer’s dinner party was ruined by GOOP’s vegan recipe for “meatballs.”
12) Sept. 09, 2013: When GOOP got her vespa license and then cut off a school bus while driving it.
13) Sept. 17, 2013: When GOOP posted a trailer for her English garden party in the Hamptons featuring kids in animal masks, Sarah Jessica Parker and handbags by Stella McCartney.
14) Sept. 17, 2013: When GOOP did the GOOPiest version of “Gangnam Style.”
15) Sept. 18, 2013: When GOOP demanded that someone wipe down the entire gym shower before she went in.
And because it’s your birthday, we are going to ignore the movie that is Thanks For Sharing.