Last week, Lindsay Lohan posted a picture to Instagram, purported to be the words “You’re beautiful” in both English and Arabic. But it didn’t. It said “You’re beautiful” in English and “You’re a donkey/an ass” in Arabic.
Days later, our lady of perpetual excuses attempted to save face via this picture of a purse.
Lindsay, we need to talk. It’s time for an Instagram intervention. An Insta-vention.
First, let’s address the hastily Photoshopped elephant in the room.
“#mycalvins are helping me fight off my chikungunya”
Back in January, Lindsay came down with a mean case of the mosquitoes, aka chikungunya, a mosquito-borne virus, and that’s totally why she couldn’t do her court-mandated community service. Because nothing says “trust me, I have a mosquito virus” like taking an underwear selfie and proclaiming said underwear to have curative properties. And nothing says “trust me, I didn’t Photoshop this” quite like a jagged booty and a sink full of bottles that defy the laws of physics.
Then, like her mosquito virus, the physics-busting issues her bathroom was suffering grew contagious and traveled to her door frame in this bootylicious shot.
Maybe we were all being unfair to keep assuming these images were Photoshopped — maybe Salvador Dali designed her house. Who among us can say? It would definitely explain how the struggles with her bathroom and doorframe then moved to her staircase while she showed off this waist trainer.
Lindsay, honey, boo boo, there are people who are rooting for you still in spite of it all. But if you want any more chances, you need to stop being such a mess in every area. Insta-messy is the messiest kind. So, maybe you take a break. Maybe we step away from the selifes and the social media and definitely the low-budget off-brand Photoshop you insist on using.
Let it be a lesson to all of us:
Step 1 – Get your Instagram together
Step 2 – Get your life together
Step 3 – PROFIT