Between all the hot love triangles and insane medical conditions that happen multiple times an episode in a TV hospital, would you actually trust any of these incredibly attractive people to be your real doctor? So, they know a lot of medical jargon we can’t always follow, but when push comes to shove you probably wouldn’t want some of these fictional docs as your own (lookin’ at you, Doogie Howser.) We are proclaiming ourselves the Zoc Doc of fake doctors and are bringing you our reviews of the best physicians on television. From hilarious gynos to hot, hot, HOT (did we say hot?) surgeons, we promise after this list you’ll be healthy in no time.
Your Person/Surgeon: Dr. Cristina Yang (Grey’s Anatomy)She might not have started with the best bedside manner, but throughout Grey’s Anatomy, Dr. Cristina Yang (Sandra Oh) became one of our favorites at Seattle Grace. She was always chomping at the bit to be the first to solve a surgical problem and time and time again has saved lives as a cardiothoracic surgeon. We can’t even pronounce that, so you KNOW she’s a smarty. She was amazing even before she was a resident, she saved her best friend’s life, and we’d totally want to be her person. Well, I guess we’ll settle for patient. Just, don’t get too mushy or try to hug her or anything. You’d make things way awkward.
Your Fun OBGYN: Dr. Mindy Lahiri (The Mindy Project)OK, so she might get distracted and start telling you who she hooked up with last night during your initial consultation, but we’d still want Dr. Mindy Lahiri (Mindy Kaling) looking after our…down there. Going to the gyno is pretty terrifying as it is, but we already feel like Dr. Mindy is our best friend (we can dream), so it would make the whole thing a lot less scary. Still kinda gross, but at least you could chat about whether or not she’s actually into Dr. Danny (Chris Messina) while things were going on with your va-jay. Plus, she definitely wins the award for Best Dressed TV doctor, and a gyno with good fashion tips is certainly worth your copay!
Your Firecracker E.R. Doc: Dr. John Truman Carter III (ER)He started out as a total underdog, the rich kid who only got into medical school because of his connections, or at least it felt like he did (see: his full name.) Yet, as the series went on Dr. Carter (Noah Wyle) became one of our favorites at County General. One of our favorites with the most adorable smile, that is. Besides the fact that we want to marry him, he constantly defies authority on behalf of his patients — ultimately saving them in most cases. When you’re in an emergency situation and you need someone to think fast and rely on instinct, he’s it. He kind of makes you feel like you’re his best friend while he’s doing it, and do we even need to bring up his adorable relationship with his grandma?
Your Dance Coach and/or Doctor: Dr. Christopher Turk (Scrubs)Sure, besties Turk (Donald Faison) and J.D. (Zach Braff) are both great doctors, but if we were being held at gunpoint and had to choose who we wanted to operate on us, it’s definitely Turk. He’s bound to do something silly to set you at ease before putting you uner, and he worked his way up to Chief of Surgery at Sacred Heart pretty fast. One of the most competitive television characters of all time, Turk is a man with a plan — which is definitely what you want in a doctor. Not only is he a practicing surgeon, but he’s now a teacher, too, so that really lets you know he’s a pro. Another big up is that he has his personal life in order, so there’s no distraction there (cough cough, Meredith Grey.) Not to mention he might just bust out some of his infamous smooth moves in the middle of your visit.
Your Reason To Stop Eating an Apple a Day: Dr. Derek Shepherd (Grey’s Anatomy)Alright, so we know this is the second doc from Grey’s, but c’mon, Seattle Grace has so many good ones! Not only is he a great doctor, but Dr. Derek “McDreamy” Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey) is the kind of person that you can’t help but fall in love with whenever you’re in the same room. (We totally feel you, Meredith.) He’s made so many tough calls, but they usually turn out for the best — which is why this neurosurgeon was Chief of Surgery for so long. OK, so he ultimately resigned, but he’s been through kind of a lot, people. It also doesn’t hurt that you’d get to look into those unforgettable baby blues right before you went into the O.R. That would calm anyone.
Your Web MD General Practitioner, in the Flesh: Dr. Gregory House (House)You really couldn’t have this list without Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie). Every time you’ve gone to the doctor, you’ve generally just wanted them to know exactly what’s wrong with you, and that’s precisely House’s specialty. If that’s not enough to make him your go-to, let’s not forget that two people SWAM FROM CUBA just to see him. With House as your doctor, there would be no need for those hours and hours of falling down a Web MD spiral self-diagnosing your weird rashes (just us?) and then freaking out about the rare disease you maybe probably don’t have, because…House. He might be a little quirky, but who cares? He’s definitely at the top of his class.