Money, expensive cars, and couture clothing are all tried and true ways to feel like you’re somebody. But truly living a celebrity’s life requires more than the obvious.
That’s because celebrities are generally really weird people with really weird tendencies, which make them fascinating to watch. To truly live your life like an A-lister’s, you need to dig in deep to see what makes them a celebrity in the first place. And here are just a few items that shape your favorite celebs.
If you want to stick out, you literally have to stick out. Everyone from Nicki Minaj and Iggy Azalea to Kim Kardashian have blessed backsides, and you know what else they have in common? They’re global jet-setters, rolling in millions with no problems in the world. If you’re hesitant to commit to real butt implants, just take cues from Miley (see above).
Buy it here: Amazon, $15.99
Lint RollerOnce upon a time, lint rollers were reserved exclusively for moms dusting off their son’s Men’s Wearhouse tux before prom. But Drake elevated it from its #normcore roots by busting it out at a Toronto Raptors game to do a little maintenance on his pants. The Internet initially clowned him, but once the dude owned it and started churning out his own signature OVO rollers, popular opinion changed.
Buy it here: ebay, $129
JuicerFor all the kale your digestive system can stomach. Celebs don’t mess around with Minute Maid and that basic grocery store crap. They go to a farmer’s market, buy a grip of organic vegetables, and turn natures treasures to into the Fountain of Youth. Pair this with a session at Pure Barre and you’re basically Cameron Diaz.
Buy it here: Amazon, $99.99
Earlier this year, Sarah Silverman showed off vape on the red carpet of the Emmys, where she was nominated for Best Writing for a Variety Show. The result? She won. You do the math.
Buy it here: Amazon, $19.99
In a recent interview, Guardians of the Galaxy star Chris Pratt told Esquire: “When I was way out of shape, the idea of using whitening strips on my teeth seemed terrible. I have to do that every day? I’ll never do it. What you want is instant results when you’re out of shape. You want your teeth whitened in 45 minutes with the use of lasers. But when you’re in shape, you know it’s the result of doing a little bit every day.” Whitening strips, the key to a celebrity figure. Also, discipline, patience, yada yada…
Buy it here: Target, $39.99
Hybrid CarLiving like Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t necessarily mean forming your own Pussy Posse and partying with models with a monkey mask on. Caring about the environment is #onbrand these days and the easiest way to show you’re down is by driving Prius, just like the king of the world. Bonus: this is also the least douchey way to up your celebrity lifestyle.
Buy it here: Toyota, starts at $24,200
Full Face Sun VisorThis is probably the dumbest invention of all time, but it worked for V. Stiviano. It’s not even subtle. You defeat the purpose of staving off attention by wearing the most attention-grabbing thing imaginable. Of course people will look at you if they see you on the street looking like Robocop. However, your sense of self-importance will skyrocket.
Buy it here: ebay, $15.88
Coconut OilShampoo, conditioner, and lotion are for lames. For celebrity beauty, you need coconut oil. You can make like Shailene Woodley and swish it to whiten your teeth, pull a Mindy Kaling and soak your hair in it for sheen, or pull a Goop and rub it on your face while also dousing it on your .01 oz grilled chicken for lunch. Sure, all of your friends will associate you as that chick who smells like coconut all the time, but it’s a small sacrifice to feel like royalty.
U can damn near use/put coconut oil on everything
— Big Sean (@BigSean) November 4, 2014
Buy it here: Amazon, $14.94
Waist Trainer (A Medieval Corset Works, Too)
It’s a new thing now: famous female celebs are “waist training.” Basically, the idea is to cinch all your digestive organs into a tiny little death trap to reallocate the fat that would’ve accumulated there to other places in your body. Or something like that. Work out with it, eat with it, sleep with it, and in no time you’ll look like a real life Jessica Rabbit. Side effects include a warped sense of self-worth and emotional instability.
Buy it here: Waist Gang Society, $119.20
Paper BagPaper bags aren’t just for grilled cheese sandwiches and Capri Suns anymore. They’re an A-list fashion accessory. Like Shia LaBeouf, wear it to a formal event, decorate it with your favorite slogan that represents you, and you’ll be the most popular person there. Just watch your Instagram tag explode. It’s also very hard to look away from someone who looks like they might be a psychopath.
Buy it here: Uline, price depends on how big your head is
[Photo Credit: @mileycyrus]