Smash/Marry/Kill: The Biggest Stars of 2014

Aly Semigran

It’s one of the toughest decisions you’ll have to make when it comes to your favorite celebrities: Smash, Marry, or Kill. 2014 provided us plenty of stars who fall under the SMK category, and we narrowed down the difficult options. Check out our end-of-year edition of Smash, Marry, Kill, and tell us if you agree with our choices!

People’s Sexiest Man Alive Snubs: Chris Pratt, Idris Elba, Ryan Gosling

Smash: Idris Elba

Even if the Luther star’s massive bulge was an, er, illusion, the actor is still an indisputable hottie who also happens to have a very good sense of humor about said misinterpreted package.

Marry: Chris Pratt

Ever read an interview with Chris Pratt? He’s so gaga over his wife and son. Total dream guy. Plus, you already know that even if he put on weight, he’d still be adorable.

Kill: Ryan Gosling

NOW JUST HOLD ON ONE SECOND HERE. Let it be known, we have no intention, nor desire to kill the almighty, beautiful Ryan Gosling. That’s a given. We’re not monsters. But, in the context of these choices, we simply must put him here for his unwillingness to be given his deserving Sexiest Man Alive title. You’re killing us, Goosey.

Find out how Pratt stepped into those superhero shoes for Guardians of the Galaxy.

The “Bang Bang” Singers: Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj, Jessie J

Smash: Nicki Minaj

Was there ever really any question? In 2014, Nicki Minaj was basically the definition of bang bang.

Marry: Jessie J

Let’s face it, of all these sexy, powerful, chart-topping ladies, Jessie J is the probably the one you’d feel most at ease bringing home to mom.

Kill: Ariana Grande

She unleashed some unrelenting earworms this year, including her verse in this hit collaboration. The ponytail-ed one must pay!

The New Orange Is The New Black Inmates: Vee, Soso, Lolly

Smash: Soso

[Photo Credit: Netflix]

Sure, Soso was so, so annoying, but her sex scene with Nicky was pretty hot.

Marry: Lolly

[Photo Credit: Netflix]

Who was Lolly you ask? Why she was Piper’s plane mate in the first episode of Season 2, played by a blink-and-you’ll-miss-her Lori Petty. The actress will reportedly have a bigger role in the upcoming third season, so our opinion of her might change, but we liked what we saw so far.

Kill: Vee

[Photo Credit: Netflix]

We’re all on Team Rosa when it comes to this choice.

True Detective Antiheroes: Marty, Rust, Rust’s Beer Can Men

Smash: Rust

Yes, he speaks in dizzying riddles and brings dark and brooding to a whole new level, but, c’mon, it’s Matthew McConaughey.

Marry: Rust’s Beer Can Men

[Photo Credit: HBO]

They are also the strong, silent type, but you know, without all the hefty emotional baggage.

Kill: Marty

Marty is the “fun” one of this bleak gang, but he’s still a philanderer capable of tearing your family apart. Not worth the trouble.

TV Characters Brought Back from the TV Dead: Valerie Cherish (The Comeback), Sarah Linden (The Killing), Veronica Mars (Veronica Mars)

Smash: Sarah Linden

She deserves some fun in her life, no?

Marry: Veronica Mars

Still charming and clever as ever.

Kill: Valerie Cherish

The awkwardness is still slowly killing us, now more than ever.

Man Buns: Jake Gyllenhaal’s Nightcrawler-era Man Bun, Cary Fukunaga’s Emmy Man Bun, Jared Leto’s Golden Globes Man Bun

Smash: Jared Leto’s Golden Globes Man Bun

Jared Leto, man bun or otherwise, will always fall into this category.

Marry: Cary Fukunaga’s Emmy Man Bun. Well, Braid.

The True Detective director’s man bun was peak man hair perfection. Let’s hold on to that feeling just a little bit longer.

Kill: Jake Gyllenhaal’s Nightcrawler-era Man Bun

Jake Gyllenhaal was unparalleled levels of creepy in this thriller, and his character’s man bun (which he kept after the film) only added to the uneasiness.

Funny Ladies Turned First-Time Memoirists: Lena Dunham, Amy Poehler, Judy Greer

Smash: Judy Greer

Wickedly sexy, smart, and funny? ’Nuff said.

Marry: Amy Poehler

It’s Amy freakin’ Poehler. This one is a no-brainer.

Kill: Lena Dunham

Yes, we realize this would make the Internet self-implode.

The Various Phases of 2014 Pharrell: Oscars Ceremony Pharrell, The Voice Coach Pharrell, “Marilyn Monroe” Video Pharrell

Smash: The Voice Pharrell

It’s not easy to be the sexy one when you’re competing with the likes of Adam Levine and Blake Shelton, but we’ll be damned if Pharrell doesn’t pull it off.

Marry: Oscars Ceremony Pharrell

Any man who can shake it with Lupita Nyong’o, Amy Adams, and Meryl Streep in the span of a minute is a man worth spending your life with.

Kill: “Marilyn Monroe” video Pharrell

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