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Twisty the Clown + ‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’ Moments That Made Us Piss Our Pants

by 1/21/2015

The curtain closes tonight for American Horror Story: Freak Show, and we can all agree that this season was pretty messed up. From Twisty the Clown (and his weird AF smile) to Neil Patrick Harris’ affinity for talking to creepy dolls, the fourth installment of the AHS series was chock-full of pee-inducing moments.

Ryan Murphy, you outdid yourself. And we all had nightmares because of it.

Before you watch the season finale — and read our recap tomorrow morning — take a stroll through the scariest moments Elsa Mars and her Cabinet of Curiosities brought this season. (You may want to cover your eyes for a few of them.)

Twisty reveals what is behind his smile.

[GIF Credit: FX]

We thought Twisty’s fake smile was terrifying, but the story behind his real mouth was far more gruesome. In episode four, “Edward Mordrake (Part 2),” we learn Twisty was once a lovable freak show clown who made tons of children happy. However, his fellow carnies bullied him unmercifully and made him believe police were coming after him for child molestation. He tried to work as a clown in town, but more people started to think he was a pervert. Depressed and lonely, Twisty attempted to shoot himself, but ended up disfiguring his face instead. We were not prepared.

Dandy kills Gloria.

There’s no question that Dandy sucks. But he achieved a whole new level of awful when he shot his mother, Balenciaga queen Frances Conroy (in this season, she played Gloria Mott). After Gloria tells Dandy his father is actually her second cousin, he puts a gun to his head like a dramatic little shithead. “No,” Gloria screams. “Not this way. I can’t go on if you kill yourself.” At this, Dandy responds “OK” and takes out Gloria instead. That’s right: he killed the true Supreme. We’ll never forgive him for this.

Elsa stabs Paul on a spinning wheel (as a “trust” exercise).

When the freaks start to distrust Elsa (rightfully so, given she’d probably sell all of them to win a People’s Choice Award), she demands that one of them get on a spinning wheel and let her throw knives at them (as one does). Paul the Illustrated Seal volunteers as tribute, but Elsa is no Katniss Everdeen and accidentally stabs him. And what’s worse? She doesn’t even call an ambulance. You know what, Elsa? Go to Hollywood. GO TO HOLLYWOOD.

Penny’s father tattoos her face.

[GIF Credit: FX]

When Penny tells her father she’s in love with Paul, he responds like any level-headed batshit crazy parent: he covers her face with a terrifying tattoo. In his mind, if Penny wanted to be with a freak, she should be a freak as well. It was wrong on so many levels, but luckily Penny gets her revenge.

Twisty kills two teenagers at a picnic.

[GIF Credit: FX]

Twisty wasted no time slaying unsuspecting teens this season. When two lovebirds are getting freaky in broad daylight, Twisty shows up and first attempts to entertain them with his bizarre wooden nun-chucks. Then, he just kills them. (Maybe he was just  being an abstinence pioneer?) This makes our list because it was one of the first of many scarring Twisty scenes.

Dandy slaughters all the women at the Tupperware party.

After Dandy decides his destiny is to just kill a bunch of people, he hits up the Tupperware/Jimmy Delivers Multiple Orgasms to Sexually Frustrated Housewives party. He knocks on the hosting wife’s door, says his car broke down, and he needs to use a telephone. The (probably still thirsty) woman lets him in, and he proceeds to murder all the housewives. He then dumps their bodies in the indoor swimming pool to the surprise of one of the husbands. Way to kill the vibe, D.

All the times Murphy made us think someone died, but it was just a damn dream.

[GIF Credit: FX]

When Stanley arrives at the freak show hell-bent on killing all the carnies and selling them to a museum, he first sets his eyes on Siamese twins Bette and Dot. We’re led to believe Stanley took the two girls to a picnic and gave Bette a poisonous cupcake that killed her. However, it turned out to be Stanley’s fantasy. (Dot refused the dessert IRL because she wanted to keep the girls’ figure.) And don’t even get us started when we thought Maggie put eternal butterfly princess and the sun’s actual daughter, Ma Petite, in a jar and drowned her. That turned out to be just a delusion, too. (Dell ended up smothering Ma Petite… even worse.)

Neil Patrick Harris and his dummy Marjorie make their debut.

When Chester (NPH) showed up to the freak show, he brought a creepy friend: his dummy Marjorie. She was perfectly harmless, until she started talking. Nothing scarier than a living doll (especially one that wants to kill Bette and Dot so they’ll stop having threesomes with Chester).

Twisty and Dandy put on a fucked up magic show.

Earlier in the season, Dandy joins Twisty on his quest of crazy, and the two kidnap  Jimmy and Maggie. While Jimmy and the other captives are chained up, Dandy hosts a magic show, throws Maggie in a saw-box, and for five seconds we think she is going to die. Thankfully, the captives end up escaping, but it doesn’t make this any less frightening.

Dandy imagines his own version of Bette and Dot.

When Bette and Dot leave Dandy after realizing he’s just a teensy bit cuckoo, he becomes obsessed with them. So obsessed that he has a fantasy of conjoining his dead mother and another woman he killed to create a quasi-Bette and Dot. The image flashed on our screen for all of five seconds, but will stay with us forever. Why did we need to see this?

What did you think were the scariest moments on Freak Show? Sound off in the comments below.

@chrisrosa92