Tom Brady Couldn't Stop Talking About His Perfect Balls Today

And by balls, we mean footballs. Get your mind out of the gutter, perv. As you've probably seen trending on Twitter, the New England Patriots have been dealing with #DeflateGate, which alleges that the AFC Champions deflated game balls to give them an advantage against the Indianapolis Colts at last Sunday's division championship game. With the Super Bowl fast approaching, and the cheating allegations weighing his team down, Patriots quarterback and captain Tom Brady stepped up at a press conference to debunk the rumors, where he used the word "balls" about a million times.

His address started off tame. "I didn't alter the balls in any way," Brady began. "I have a process that I go through before every game where I go in and I pick the balls...that I want to use for the game." But it quickly led to some seriously hilarious quotes about balls. "When I pick those footballs out, at that point, you know, to me, they're perfect. I don't want anyone touching the balls after that. I don't want anyone rubbing them," Brady continued. Later, he'd utter this perfect line: "I'm not squeezing the balls. That's not part of my process. I feel it."

Of course, that's right before he comparing the Patriots' predicament to ISIS: "We're going to be fine. This isn't ISIS, no one's dying, we'll get through this." The NFL did find that the balls were under-inflated, but confirmation about whether or not the Patriots had actually tampered with them has yet to drop. No matter what comes out of the investigation though, Brady is adamant: he did not mess with his "perfect" balls.

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[Photo Credit: Getty Images]