Can Cookie and Lucious Save ‘Empire’ from Boo Boo Kitty and Evil Judd Nelson?

Michael Arceneaux

On last night’s Empire, Boo Boo Kitty found herself and her recent whereabouts put on full blast – resulting in her being tossed by the wayside romantically, and professionally, helping launch a war between record labels. This show does the hokey pokey in terms of storytelling, but hey, we’re in this together. So let’s talk about this show as a family.

1. Why does Lucious want to make doves cry at his wedding?
Before Cookie rudely albeit rightly interrupted Lucious and Anika’s meeting with the wedding planner, the two discussed releasing a bunch of doves at some castle-styled venue. Yeah, that’s cute, but this man is named Lucious Lyon, had a relaxer for most of his life, and named his sons Andre, Jamal, and Hakeem. His ex-wife’s name is Cookie and he runs a largely hip hop based label. And again, this man’s name is Lucious. Yet, he’s trying to release a bunch of doves at his wedding at Snow White’s vacation home? I’m not saying Lucious and Anika couldn’t have had nice things at their wedding, but why so bougie, beloved? They probably would’ve thought they were too good to serve chicken at the reception. I’m glad Cookie ruined their wedding for that reason alone.

2. Did Boo Boo Kitty really think she could trust Porsha?

Turns out, Porsha was paid by Anika to spy on Cookie only to take her money and tell Cookie everything she knew about Anika’s dealings – including meeting with Berretti. Uh, Anika, Stevie Wonder could’ve looked at his watch and told you what time it was on that front. Porsha is Cookie’s homegirl, so any fool could’ve told you that all she would do is take your money, pay down her Honda Civic, cover her mama’s rent for two months and get her cell phone turned back on before turning on you. Duh.

3. So we’re giving former baes death threats?
When Lucious threatened Anika, all I could think was, “If you Google Terrence Howard on TMZ, you’d be feeling a little weirded out by this scene. No shade.

4. Did you laugh at Jamal’s new video?
As much as I appreciate the sight of a shirtless Jamal, the song and video that accompanied the scene had me tickled. Keep on singing with your pecs out, though, pimpin’. We approve.

5. So “neutralize this enemy,” Malcolm?
I know Malcolm is in charge of security, but when he used the phrase “neutralize the enemy” to speak on Anika and Creedmore Records, why did I feel like I was watching a bootleg copy of American Sniper at the barbershop? Settle down, sir.

6. Does the majority of Empire Entertainment’s roster have one album record deals?

I was scratching my head, no dandruff, wondering how every single Empire Entertainment artist was suddenly up for grabs now that Anika jumped shipped to Creedmore. Sure, she could’ve taken a few acts with her, but if Drake and Nicki Minaj have multi-album record deals, surely these artists would, too?

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7. Why is a white man saying, “I’m done sharecropping?”
Not to be all Michael Evans from Good Times about it, but what do you know about sharecropping, dude who looks like a son of one of the members from Cypress Hill?

8. Shouldn’t Cookie get drunk more often?
Cookie already gives fly Black auntie, but now we can confirm that she’s also a fun drunk Black auntie.

9. So the elevator just shuts down?
When the Lyons brothers went from brawling to being stuck in the elevator, my immediate reaction was, “How convenient.” Then Malcolm said the sudden shutdown was due to hackers? Really? Like, is Empire Entertainment being attacked by North Korea, too? Don’t make that face at me. Anything is possible on this show.

10. Shouldn’t label heads be pointing their guns at Spotify or a Torrent site instead of each other?
That short scene between Lucious’ crew and Berretti’s boys was a cackle. Like, y’all beefing this hard over an industry on life support. Y’all better shut up and go fight the real enemy.

11. Does Andre have bipolar disorder or is he The Incredible Hulk?
He goes from 0 to 3,025 real quick.

12. Why does Tiana want Hakeem back?

Although she agreed to stay with Empire after speaking with both Cookie and Hakeem, Tiana initially said she would only stick with the label under the condition that she and Hakeem get back together. Before their breakup, he was working out his mama issues with Camille while she was having sex with a woman. Why would you want to go back to that? If Jamal can come out at a white party in a terrible outfit, you can live your life, too, Tiana.

13. Wasn’t it goo to see Jamal stand up to Lucious?
I’m so proud of him for telling his dad to shut the hell up with his homophobia and get to the money. Big Mama from Soul Food said the family got to be that fist. Good for Jamal

14. I’m not mad at Cookie joining the performance of “You Are Beautiful,” are you?
If you’re not, this means you remember hearing Taraji on Mary J. Blige’s “Get It Right” from My Life II…The Journey Continues. Bars. Taraji’s got ‘em.

15. What about Lucious being a murderer and Cookie ordering a hit on the wrong man?
And Cookie’s testimonial. We’ve got two episodes left and not a peep in weeks.

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[Photo Credit: FOX]