‘Empire’: So Who’s the Daddy?

Michael Arceneaux

On last night’s Empire, boos ran away, baby mamas came back, and for a minute there, I was wondering if Madea was going to pop up out of nowhere to tell Lucious about her mixtape on DatPiff. It was entertaining for sure, but a little crazy even by this show’s standards. Gather ‘round, though, beloveds, we must talk this out.

1. Why didn’t Cookie know anything about bipolar disorder?

Considering Cookie’s spent a considerable amount of time in prison, she missed a lot of important things: Destiny’s Child; Destiny’s Child’s breakup; Destiny’s Child second breakup; Beyoncé proving she is literally destiny’s child as a solo act; Destiny’s Child getting back together; everyone in Destiny’s Child going back solo. She also seemed to miss that episode of Oprah in which actress Jenifer Lewis aka everyone’s Black mama on TV and film revealed that she suffered from bipolar disorder. I assume Cookie was in solitary confinement after knocking some girl out for stealing her rice krispie treat.

Even so, I cringed a bit when I heard Cookie refer to therapy and mental illness as “white people problems.” Like, girl, you came out of prison looking to collect your share of a multi-million dollar empire. Let’s not pretend to be a regular person. That said, why didn’t anyone inform her that her son had an incident related to a diagnosed mental illness when he was a junior in college? That’s something you write in a letter.

2. Why are the Lyons so crazy?
Andre is on medical hold after suffering a psychotic episode and their means of cheering him up is discussing an IPO? As if that whole thing isn’t majorly responsible for the pressure he placed on himself that ultimately set him off? It would have been better to just tell Andre that New York City finally had a temperate that wasn’t oppressively cold.

3. How awful is Lucious for not visiting Andre?
This son of a bitch is pure evil. As a child, he hid your gun and prevented you from being someone’s Cookie in prison. As an adult and well into his career as an executive, he provided you an alibi for your murder to evade arrest. But you can’t visit him in the hospital? Drop dead, Lucious. Oh wait, you might next week.

4. Can Malcolm get a grip?
Malcolm apologized to Cookie for breaking his “code” and falling for her. That’s nice and all, but code? Seriously? Sir, you do security for a music executive. If Kevin Costner can get it in with Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard, you can taste those cookies.

5. Why is Lucious so awful?
He doesn’t accept homosexuality. Mental illness is as real as the Easter Bunny to him. No shade, but it becomes clearer and clearer that not so long ago, Lucious Lyon had a conk. The backwards thinking bamma.

Love and Hip Hop Atlanta’s Joseline Hernandez says Empire’s Cookie was based on her.

6. How do we feel about Jamal’s boo telling him that he doesn’t do kids?

Personally, I like that we’re not at a point in our culture where a man can be all “I DON’T DO KIDS” to his boyfriend the same way some men do when dating a single mother. Men ain’t no good, y’all, but this still feels like progress.

7. Camille is still kind of nasty, but that was Hakeem’s best song, right?
I’m not mad at the track she got Hakeem to jump on. I don’t see it for “Drip Drop,” but I did bop a little bit to that eclectic rap track Camille got Hakeem to record. It beats those karaoke Kid Ink songs Hakeem was doing ‘bout a week ago.

8. Wasn’t it nice to see some women tell Lucious off?
I would like to give Camille and Rhonda a round of applause for not mincing words with Lucious’ terrible self. Camille may have been temporarily ran off by Lucious, but not without wishing him a miserable time for the final moments of his life. Likewise, Rhonda let that whispering villain have it, too. Well done, ladies. You, too, Cookie, though you’re always popping off on that heathen.

9. Did Tyler Perry write this episode?
Now, I’ve long felt that Lee Daniels is kind of like Tyler Perry if he went to film school, but last night was too close for comfort. You know, when Jennifer Hudson’s character got on her knees – in between Andre’s mind you – to ask him if she’d join him in prayer since her musical therapy and his medication didn’t seem to be working. Like, what?

By the way, if any man got between my legs like that, it better not be for prayer. That’s not how a prayer warrior works. It is how the sex goes down, though. Don’t smite thee, God. I’m just being honest.

10. So who is the daddy?
A few weeks ago, I wrote that no way in hell in 2015 would people not take a DNA test to figure out paternity. Especially not if they work in the entertainment industry in the age of blogs, TMZ, blogs that basically repost everything TMZ writes, and the TMZ TV show. It was weird for Jamal to just be like “OK, that’s my baby” and even weirder for Lucious to say that it’s his during that “don’t shoot moment” with Olivia’s abusive boyfriend. Fine, maybe Lucious is the daddy, but why not get a paternity test and get Lola some college tuition and child support? HUSTLING BACKWARDS, SIS.

Taraji P. Henson uses emojis to reveal her feelings on some of life’s biggest pleasures.

[Photo Credit: FOX]