The Most Vicious Zingers from Past Celebrity Roasts

Tonight, The Roast of Justin Bieber will air on Comedy Central and the masses will get what they’ve long been waiting for: a public shaming of Justin Bieber. Of course, some of the special’s most notable put-downs of the pop star have been publicized, including insults from the likes of Roast master Kevin Hart (“Justin’s Canadian. He’s actually considered American, because no Canadian has ever been this much of an asshole”), Shaquille O’Neal (“Last year you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-un didn’t even score that low, and he uses your music to fuckin’ torture people”), and Jeffrey Ross (“You’ve become a cocky little shit. You are the King Joffrey of pop”).

While Bieber’s burns are definitely scorching, he’s hardly the only Roastee to get royally humiliated during their special. As we count down to The Roast of Justin Bieber, we’re looking back at all Comedy Central Roast specials, from Dennis Leary back in 2003 all the way to last year’s Roast of James Franco.

Comedy Central Roast of Dennis Leary (2003) 

“Let’s focus on Denis’s film career, since his agent didn’t.” – Nick DiPaolo

“Now listen to what I’m telling you, you bloated alcoholic leprechaun, you get paid to tell jokes on stage but do you know what the biggest joke is? Your career.” – Joe Montagna

“I’ve been to Denis’s farm up in Connecticut, or as it’s commonly called, “The Neverglad Ranch”. If you ever get the chance to go to Learyworld, get the three-day pass. It includes The Whiskey and Water Slide, 20,000 Leagues Under the Influence, Mr. Leary’s Angry Ride, and my personal favorite, It’s a Small Penis After All.”- Adam Ferrara

Comedy Central Roast of Jeff Foxworthy (2005)
“If you’ve shot everything but a successful TV show, you might be Jeff Foxworthy.” – Bill Engvall

“Foxworthy’s sitcom was Mama’s Family without the sex appeal.”- Lisa Lampenelli

“Jeff Foxworthy’s class is only outshined by his work ethic. He’s been making shitty CDs forever.”- Ron White

Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson (2005) 

“Now, for the real reason I came here tonight: to honor my beautiful, talented, compassionate, blonde ex-wife…Unfortunately, Heather Locklear couldn’t be here tonight. “- Tommy Lee

“People say ’Pamela Anderson’s nothing without her tits!’ And that’s not true! That is not true… She’d be Paris Hilton.”- Sarah Silverman

“You have two novels out. You’ve now written more books than you’ve read.” – Greg Giraldo

Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner (2006)
“Because that’s the actual Captain’s chair from the Bridge of Starship Enterprise, and there’s only one ass big enough to fill it… ladies and gentleman… Mr William Shatner!” – Jason Alexander

“Darling, you were supposed to explore the galaxy, not fill it”- Betty White

“I can finally say what I’ve waited forty years to say: fuck you and the horse you rode in on!”- George Takei

Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Fav (2007)
“Flavor Flav is the reason George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“In these sensitive times, I’m not going to do racial humor. Besides, the fact that Flav is black is like, the fifth thing that’s wrong with him. “- Jeff Ross

“Brigitte Nielsen, I saw you and Flavor Flav taking a bath on TV, but y’all motherfuckers was washed up before you got in that tub. “- Snoop Dogg

Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget (2008) 

“I heard you have hair on your chest, Bob, and let me tell you something, that isn’t your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. You’re a fucking dog face, how can you not get that?” – Norm MacDonald

“Bob’s last HBO special was called That Ain’t Right. It should have been called That Ain’t Watchable.” – John Stamos

“I watched Bob’s last HBO special in hi-def. Because in order to enjoy it, you have be either high or deaf.”- Gilbert Gottfried

Comedy Central Roast of Larry the Cable Guy (2009)
“Larry, respect is what you traded for fame when you made your deal with Satan.” – Maureen McCormick

“Larry’s book Git R Done was groundbreaking. It was the first book liberals agreed it was okay to burn.” – Toby Keith

“People always ask me if I’ve seen Larry’s latest movie, and I say “No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet to get the feeling I have.”- Jeff Foxworthy

Comedy Central Roast of Joan Rivers (2009) 

“What do you call a woman who’s broken down barriers for female comics? A comedienne who’s entertained us and our families on TV for years? What do you call an icon — a beloved icon — that’s part of the fabric of this country? You call her Carol Burnett. But we love you anyway, Joan!” – Robin Quivers

“When Joan was born, the doctors took a look at her and said, ’Holy shit, we’re gonna make a fortune on this one!’ Then they got on the Mayflower and set sail for America.” – Kathy Griffin

“It had hurt me very much to hear you call my mother obnoxious and foul-mouthed and crude and cheap and loud, and you are all wrong, because she is not loud. “- Melissa Rivers

Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff (2010)
“When I first started on Baywatch, I was scared, because I couldn’t swim. David came to me and said, ’That’s okay, because I can’t act.'” – Pamela Anderson

“You were also knighted by the Queen. She dubbed you Sir Osis of Liver!” – Greg Giraldo

“I actually tried to buy one of your songs on Amazon.com. It said, ’Users who bought this item also bought a shotgun.'”- Whitney Cummings

Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump (2011)
“By the way, Donald, it’s pronounced “huge,” not “yuge”. Also, it’s pronounced “I am fucking delusional,” not “I am running for President.”- Seth MacFarlane

“Donald Trump is such a douchebag, that if you look up ’douchebag’ in the dictionary, there’s a picture of Spencer Pratt. But if you look close, Spencer Pratt is holding up a picture of Donald Trump.” – Anthony Jeselnik

“Donald Trump, without a doubt, you’re a New York landmark, which means it’s only a matter of time until you bulldoze yourself to build some gaudy, tacky monstrosity and put your name on it.” – Larry King

Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen (2011) 

“There’s no denying how famous you are. I mean, it was international news when you ruined the lives of those two girls living with you. You know, your daughters.” – Amy Schumer

“You know what’s amazing, despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys, your liver, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids.” – Kate Walsh

“How much blow could Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men.” – Jon Lovitz

Comedy Central Roast of Roseanne (2012)
“You converted to white trash when you married Tom Arnold. All that white powder on his lip made you think there must be a donut around somewhere.”- Jane Lynch

“The last time I saw Roseanne, she was in a Snickers commercial. Because that’s what America’s thinking, ‘I want to eat what she’s eating.'”- Seth Green

“Why am I here? I’m here to honor Roseanne, because I earned it. The hard way.”- Tom Arnold

Comedy Central Roast of James Franco (2013) 

“Look at me doing all the talking while you sit there doing nothing. I feel like I’m co-hosting the Oscars with you.” – Seth Rogen

“If at any point tonight James Franco fully opens his eyes, there will be six more weeks of summer.” – Nick Kroll

“James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing: Is there anything you can do?” – Natasha Leggero

Boom. Roasted, indeed.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]