This week on Mob Wives it’s like everyone is thinking with their vaginas, right? Let’s break down the key moments from the episode and discuss, while keeping in mind that everyone seems to have sex, marriage, or something in between on the brain.
“When it comes to love and it comes to my family, I’m saying ’F— it!’ What’s the worst that can happen?”
Drita is back with Lee. He showed up out of the blue at her house, and even though it was a huge shock, it’s something she and her girls are actually thrilled about, and she basically tells everyone on Staten Island how happy she is. And sure, any time someone says “What’s the worst that can happen?” the worst inevitably happens, but her perspective is that at least she can say she tried again with him. No regrets! That’s our Drita.
The two things Drita wants to get, for Lee but also to make herself feel good, include a new car for him, and some new boobs. Of course. “My right boob is completely jacked,” she says. “It’s no different, you gotta rotate a tire on a car, you gotta change your implant.” See, and here I thought I wouldn’t be learning anything new today. “Now that Lee’s home, I just wanna look good f—ing naked.” And speaking of naked, Big Ang’s advice for Drita is to have sex with Lee every where possible, including in the car and at his job (which is at a funeral home).
“If I was in Karen’s position, I’d probably go murder Dave, dig a hole under a cactus and bury him.”
Karen needs some closure with Dave now that he’s got a new girlfriend (a girlfriend who is careless with her g-strings). Karen’s issue is that she’s always been there for Dave to the point where she’s letting him live in her house rent-free, and yet he’s out canoodling with some new lady. Karen needs to get things off her chest in person, so she’s decided to make a trip to Arizona to confront him. “If I was in Karen’s position, I’d probably go murder Dave, dig a hole under a cactus and bury him,” says Love.
Karen’s also got a new man on the horizon, Storm, and when she speaks to him on the phone she’s like, all ohmigodHIIII. She is adorable. “Break out the WD-40!” Love says when Karen admits that she’s pretty rusty at this whole dating thing.
“A ring. A RING. She has a ring all this time and she doesn’t tell me.”
In TV time, we’ve known that Ramona has been engaged to Joe longer than her friends have known. So when Ramona finally goes to retrieve the ring from the safety deposit box and come out to her friends as an engaged woman, the response she gets from her best friend isn’t what she expects. She calls Karen and tells her she has something urgent to discuss, and when Karen shows up worried but is greeted by a smiling Ramona, she’s like, what the? And then when Ramona actually reveals the ring, she’s even less enthused. “She has a ring all this time and she doesn’t tell me??”
“Marriage and commitment to someone in prison is a very serious thing,” Karen tells Ramona. Joe is looking at at least eight years in jail, according to Ramona. Eight years if he’s lucky. That’s a long time to have an absentee husband. “Is your happily ever after going to be happy?” Karen asks, knowing that Prince Charming is in a holding cell and won’t actually be around to care for Princess Ramona.
Nope, this isn’t how Ramona expected the conversation to go.
“You say the stuff I don’t want to hear,” Ramona tells Karen. “Your whole attitude sucks.” Karen’s tough love is a little too tough, turns out.
“She basically gave me the finger right in my face,” Ramona says.
The Fur Party
Ramona has decided that the time and place to tell her other friends about her engagement is at a party thrown by her friend Alisa Marie, a fur coat designer who’s invited everyone to try on her latest collection. The party is festive and fun, but any time Karen and Ramona interact, they’re like children, taking jabs at each other. They’re wearing their grudges on their fur-lined sleeves. “Let’s not argue here with all these people,” Karen says.
Only they don’t stop arguing and things get weird in front of everyone when the snippiness gets out of hand. “I don’t know what the hell is going on here,” says Ang.
At the party, Renee’s talking about staying with a man in prison and how hard it is, which is a little too on the nose. “What are the chances of Renee talking about this? It’s like she has a sixth sense,” Karen says. But Ramona wonders if it’s more than that and Karen actually told Ramona her engagement news. Ramona insinuates that Karen and Renee has some kind of conversation, which confuses and angers Renee who is now totally annoyed that Ramona thinks something is up, so she finally comes out with her news.
“I think this is great!” Renee says. Everyone else in the room is excited, too, and Ramona gloats in front of Karen.
Karen is shocked that everyone, including Renee, is happy about this news, because, hello! They all know that being the wife of a prisoner is hard, and why would Ramona choose that if she had options? “Do you want this life for yourself? Do you want this life for your kids? ’Cause I don’t want it for you,” Karen says. And finally Ang speaks up in agreement with Karen.
“Karen really ruined this for me. She became like the Grim Reaper of friggin’ engagements,” Ramona says. Ultimately, it’s Renee that convinces Karen to come around, saying that if Ramona really feels it in her heart, she needs to go for it. But if it doesn’t work out…