This is the most important story you’ll read all day, because it affects every single one of us.
Kermit the Frog has a new girlfriend. I repeat: KERMIT THE FROG HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND.
That’s right. After 40 years of dating—forty—Kermit and Miss Piggy announced their break-up last month. Well, the throaty amphibian wasted zero time finding a new bae. People.com reports Kermit has been seen several times with a new (actual) pig lady named Denise. Check her out:
— People magazine (@people) September 1, 2015
And it looks like things are getting real AF between these crazy kids. “[Kermit] calls [Denise] his girlfriend,” a source told the website. Damn! A month to mourn the end of a 40-year relationship? How much did you really love Miss Piggy, dude? All men are the same…
Kermit and Miss Piggy still have a working relationship—he’s helping launch her late-night talk show Up Late with Miss Piggy, which we’ll see when ABC’s docuseries The Muppets airs Sept.22—but that’s it. In fact, Miss Piggy sparked romance rumors of her own when Liam Hemsworth uploaded this tender pic of them together yesterday.
We’re sure Denise is great and all, but she has to be a lot of woman to fill Miss Piggy’s shoes. We just don’t think she’s up to par, tbh.
Oh! And if there’s any truth to the Miss Piggy/Liam romance, she definitely wins the break-up game. Slay.
UPDATE, 9/2/2015 at 10:45 a.m.: Kermit took to Twitter to confirm that he is indeed dating, but he doesn’t have an “official” girlfriend yet.
Sheesh. I can't believe I already have to do this again… Here is the official statement on my relationship status: pic.twitter.com/gRCyl3xbfz
— Kermit the Frog (@KermitTheFrog) September 1, 2015
And Miss Piggy confirmed she is very single at the moment. William Shatner, that’s great news for you!
Very much available, mon cher. Gimme a call! I'd love to boldly go where no pig has gone before. https://t.co/NB19FDgDJJ
— Miss Piggy (@MissPiggy) September 2, 2015