A Best Guess at WTF Donald Trump Would Actually Do as President

Washington will never look the same.

When Donald Trump officially launched his bid for president this June, he quickly became an Internet meme and the national version of your friendly neighborhood sexist uncle. We could spend all day joking about him—and we definitely have—but since the man is seriously running for President, the highest GD office in this great country, let’s try hard to really uncover what his possible policies may be. From deporting all the immigrants, to bombing anyone who bashes his toupee, here’s our best guess of what the Donald will actually do if elected President.

  • Immigrants Go Back Wherever They Came From

    If there is one thing that we definitely know about Mr. Trump, it’s that he’s over the whole “immigration thing.” Of course, our country is founded on immigration and stands as the land of opportunity for many (with a few bumps in the road along the way). Trump thinks it has gone on a little too long and wants to deport the 11.2 million immigrants. AJ+ nicely recapped what that might actually end up looking like. Hint: It’s not good.

  • An Embargo on China

    Getty Images

    Despite the fact that some of his own clothing products are made in China, Trump has emphasized a desire to bring manufacturing jobs back to America in his quest to “Make America great again.” Will he stop at more American-based manufacturing? Probably not. If Trump has it his way, the Chinese-American trade relationship would be entirely severed. Oh, and that recently revitalized relationship with Cuba, we’re expecting that to go up in smoke as well.

  • Banning the Concept of Climate Change

    Getty Images

    As ThinkProgress recently put it, “It Snowed Once and Other Things Donald Trump Thinks Prove Global Warming Is a Hoax.” Basically the businessman will say or do anything if it gets people to stop believing that climate change is a real thing. Once elected, he may indeed sign an executive order to ban people from talking about climate change. That might not be legal, but he’s bound to try anyway.

  • Seek Revenge on His Haters

    Getty Images

    From Megyn Kelly to Univison, The Huffington Post and Rosie O’Donnell, we definitely expect Trump to use the oval office for sweet, sweet revenge. Sure, it might not be the most diplomatic thing to do, but even the President of the United States has the right to tell people, “You’re fired.”

  • The Destruction of Hair Doubters

    Getty Images

    Like most middle-aged balding men, Trump is a little self-conscious of his long-joked about ’do. Since he’s so ready to bomb somebody, we fear for the first political leader to bash whatever that is that’s on his head.

  • The Creation of Trump Palace D.C.

    Getty Images

    In centuries past it was standard for rulers throughout the world to be as vain as they were charismatic. No current presidential candidate emulates that quality as much as the Donald. Loving real estate almost as much as he loves himself, we would be shocked if there were not a permanent mark made on Washington to commemorate his tenure. It would only be practical for Trump to demolish the White House and leave Trump Palace D.C. in its wake.

I'm either at Taco Bell, watching the Kardashians, or writing about Love & Hip Hop.
@BobbysByline