Our Best Attempt at Decoding Rob Kardashian’s Social Media

What is the most reclusive Kardashian really saying with his cryptic posts?

Ah, Rob Kardashian. A member of Hollywood’s royal family who is starting his triumphant rise from the ashes of obscurity to become a modern sociological phenomenon. Secretive, random, and nearly impossible to decipher, we’ve been along for the whole ride with Rob. We’ve watched from the sidelines as Rob got his reality TV and entrepreneurial start, followed the rise and fall of his relationship with Adrienne Bailon, and then his escape into the shadows in the past few years. Now, Rob is back, and we’re trying our hardest to figure out what the hell’s been going on with his social media persona in these past few years. Here goes nothing.

  • Let’s start with his first tweet…ish.

    Rob’s relationship with social media is long and riddled. A quick visit to his Twitter profile tells you that he’s been on the social media site since March 2009, but scrolling all the way down Rob’s feed you’ll notice that his oldest tweet still visible is the one above. What he really meant: Rob is continuing in his entrepreneurial spirit by directing and casting a remake to the horror film Anaconda, featuring Michael B. Jordan.

  • His only favorited tweet is a relic of yesteryear.

    Alongside his more than 400 tweets and 5.8 million followers, you’ll notice that Rob has favorited one sole tweet, by his ex Rita Ora. Rather than being a tweet about their relationship, or about anything of substance, it’s a reply to a fan asking to drive Rita. What he really meant: Rob is in the driver’s seat of his own destiny and on the route to success.

  • His ’grams sometimes throw shade.

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    What he really meant: He’s done with Momma Kris and hanging out solely with Kimye and Khloé.

  • Or get deep.

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    What he really meant: Truthfully Rob is a performance artist who has been collaborating with Shia LaBeouf, and he has decided that it is nearly time for the big reveal.

  • Others appear to be fun #tbt shots of milkshakes.

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    What he really meant: This shot is symbolic of what the public sees as the beginning of Rob’s downfall. Rob gained weight in a very public way, but he knew he would have to go through a physical transformation to emerge from a cocoon of seclusion into a reinvented version of himself.

  • Sometimes he channels North West.

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    What he really meant: There’s something so pure and innocent about childhood, a moment in time that Rob wishes to venture back to and envies in his niece.

  • He tweets his affection for Khloé…repeatedly.

  • What he really meant: Khloé has supported Rob during his ups and downs and that doesn’t leave much to interpret. They’re tight and have each other’s back like no other.

  • He posts pics of an adorable dog that he may or may not own.

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    What he really meant: Rob has continued to persevere in the dog-eat-dog land of Hollywood and will ultimately make it out on top.

  • But sometimes, Rob’s siblings’ tweets say more about him than his own tweets do.

    Kimmy and Rob have had a chaotic relationship, to say the least, and this just begins to scrape the surface. What he really meant: Is this note saying he trusts Kim to represent him? That he doesn’t value her and so leaves things he doesn’t give AF about to her? Honestly, we don’t know. Maybe someday he’ll explain.

I'm either at Taco Bell, watching the Kardashians, or writing about Love & Hip Hop.
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