Can We Get an Andre Sex Scene? and More Questions We Have After Last Night’s Empire

We're already out here asking questions, so.

By: Michael Arceneaux

Last night’s Empire was the best so far this season. Much of that can be attributed to the show not being bombarded with way too many distracting celebrity cameos. I’m grateful as I was beginning to worry if the show was going to venture so far left that I was going to fall down with it and bust my damn head. Thankfully, Chris Rock or no other comedian was around playing a cannibal who sells drugs and murders people on the side. Likewise, no one who favors Lionel Richie was playing the role of overzealous corrections officer. No, the show was just about the Lyons family and their ongoing rift for power. Imagine that. The episode was not as fast paced as the first two, but that’s a good thing for the storytelling and for my neck that was growing tired of trying to keep up.

Now, let’s discuss the show.

So they still have family dinners?

Who else watched that awkward dinner Lucious held and instantly remembered why you only go home once or twice a year? No shade. I’m so glad Cookie exited the way she did. You can feed me chicken and give me your expensive wine, but that does not give you permission to insult me. Shout Lucious for grabbing his glass of booze just in time. Someone listened to “7/11” and remembered the advice, “Don’t you drop that alcohol.” Respect.

Does Hakeem make the best music of the show?

While not Roscoe Dash was performing for Sway, all I could think was, “Wait. This doesn’t suck.” That is not the sentiment I’m often left with when people on Empire are sharing music. God bless, though. That said, “Drip Drop” is the one song from the show that I have managed to enjoy and I would give the song Hakeem did last night another go if you got me drunk enough. That’s a huge compliment, FYI. So, if I were Bryshere Y. Gray, I’d be calling Rae Sremmurd for a track for my real album. And Timbaland, of course.

Why does Hakeem insist on being so whipped?

I really want Hakeem to go book himself some therapy so he can realize that he is manipulated by any attractive woman who will show him her vagina and then boss him around. My dude, you should not have to beg an artist you signed three minutes ago to do her job. Where is Camille? I’d rather be uncomfortable watching her practically nurse him than watch him beg Selena Nomez to sing a hook.

How we do we feel about Jamal’s song with Pitbull?

I vote no. Just so we are clear. Come on home to some pure R&B, Jamal.

Did y’all notice Cookie was dressed like Lil’ Kim about to perform “How Many Licks?”

Right when she introduced Hakeem to perform at Lucious’ party at Leviticus. I was just waiting for Sisqo to talk about the center of the oh-oh. Homage.

Can Boo Boo Kitty not go find some music-related folks who don’t have the surname Lyons to work for?

That high saddity girl is stressed, y’all. Cookie can’t stand her, so even if they can work together to take on a common enemy, they’ll never be able to get along. Then there is Lucious, who told her, “If you wanted to go at my boy, you should’ve asked me. I would have let it happen.” What kind of freaky deeky insanity is he on? And that’s what you tell the woman you almost married? Anika, run from that man. Don’t look back.

Is there anything worse than Lucious Lyons’ sanctimony?

So Lucious can pit his sons against each other to stroke your ego, but he takes issue with Andre using his unborn child to gain favor from him? Andre is so fine, but you would think by now he would understand that he deserves better. Oh well, some people can’t be like Puffy and look at Andre Harrell and say, “I need to go get my own thing.”

What is Jamal going through?

I still don’t quite grasp why he’s so obsessed with Lucious’ approval. Granted, it is his father, but at one point do you get that the man who once tossed you in the trashcan and has stabbed everyone in the back might not be the one to trust. I mean, if you have to even think of going back to Cookie to get your daddy’s attention, take the hint, you handsome ass man, you.

Why was Cookie in charge of choreography?

Was Laurieann Gibson unavailable? ]I do appreciate her checking Selena Nomez, though. “Everyone wants to be Beyoncé, but no one wants to put in the work.” Amen. Unfortunately, her trifling ass ran to Lucious Lyon.

Don’t we need more Porsha and Becky?

Especially Porsha. Like, I need more, Mr. Daniels and Sir Strong. Much more. Porsha is a gem. Let her shine more on my telly, please.

Can we get an Andre sex scene?

Since I’m here asking questions and all.

‘Til the next episode, folks.