Khloé Kardashian’s buzzed-about talk show Kocktails with Khloé premieres tonight at 10 p.m. on FYI. Knowing Kardashian’s irreverent, flirtatious personality, we’re confident this variety offering will be your next frothy, guilty pleasure. I mean, what’s not to love? It’s Khloé Kardashian. Drinking alcohol. Sign me up, to be honest.
I just have one request, K: Will you promise to actually drink your liquor and not waste it on petty drama? Too many times on TV–specifically reality TV–baes start drinking, get in fights and end up wasting precious booze by spilling it or throwing it in someone’s face. Why are they taking their anger out on the sauce? What did it ever do to them?
Miss Kardashian, we ask you use these 10 reality TV moments as examples of what not to do with the spirits on your show. When you waste alcohol, no one wins–even if you get a punch in. Allow us to explain.
1. The time Teresa Giudice spilled wine everywhere so she could say the phrase “prostitution whore.” (The Real Housewives of New Jersey)–Danielle Staub ticked off Giudice so much she wasted perfectly good vino. Who can forget the historical moment when this recently-released convict flipped over a table like a she-Hulk and scream gibberish in such a high frequency, only dogs could hear it? In fact, we’re not even sure this was English. What we do know, though, is these women could’ve been drunk. Instead, they were pissed.
2. When Karlie Redd knocked over K. Michelle’s cocktail, and K.Michelle shook the table in response. (Love & Hip Hop)–“Don’t shake unless you want to get shook,” K. Michelle said, but we have a better idea. How about no one shakes at all? That way, we won’t lose any more delicious fruity beverages. R.I.P., Screwdriver. (Tequila Sunrise? Gin and juice?) It was nice knowing you.
3. The time someone’s vodka cranberry was dunzo because of Chrissy Lampkin and Kim “Kimbella” Vanderhee’s nonsense. (Love & Hip Hop)–Chrissy, sucker punching doesn’t help anyone. It’s painful. You can get charged for it. Annnd it makes people spill their mixed drinks. Someone–probably an annoyed housekeeper–had to Spot Shot this ish out. Consideration, ladies. Use your words.
Love & Hip Hop
4. When Eric Williams threw a drink in Jennifer’s face, but she still won the fight. (Basketball Wives)–In all seriousness, this one is a little messed up. Jen tossed a beverage at Eric’s literal backside, but he pulled some douchery and splashed a cocktail right in J’s mug. On what planet is this OK? Who cares if Jen fired shots first? This one was dirty.
5. The time Brandi Glanville tossed wine on Jeff Lewis to prevent STDs. (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills via Watch What Happens Live)–This is what happens when you slut-shame. Take several seats, Jeff. You deserved this drink to the face.
6. And when she did the same thing to Eileen Davidson. (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills)–We sense a pattern with Lady Glanville. Another glass of white wine. Another instance where she flung it out of the glass instead of down her esophagus. You’re spilling the juice, B! Didn’t your elders teach you better?
7. The time Princess threw wine on Ray J because he was a “b–ch,” and things escalated quickly. (Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood)–First, she threw a drink. Then chips. Then, they stood up. Thennnnn–well, if you watch the show, you know what f–kery happened afterward. If you don’t, prepare to feel a lot of conflicting emotions.
Love & Hip Hop Hollywood
8. When Lucy Mecklenburgh rightfully showered Mario Falcone with wine. (The Only Way Is Essex)–This scrub is the definition of a scummy, seedy player. Drench him, Mecklenburgh! And then go find a hotter dude to hook up with.
9.The time Evelyn Lozada and Royce Reed chucked glasses so hard at each other, they broke. (Basketball Wives)–Not only did these ladies sacrifice the nectar of the gods during their squabble, they shattered actual glass. Now, they’re soaked and have a high chance of slashing their toes open. Who is winning again?
10. And last, when Alicia Fox threw a liquor punch at Trinity when they could’ve just been drinking. (Total Divas)–You gals were at a bar! You put beer down your throats there–not down your necks. Jeez. We understand people need to fight, but can we spare the libations, please?