Real Housewives of Potomac Recap: Etiquette Lessons and Swirl Obsessions

Let me continue with why I still cannot stand this show.

– by Michael Arceneaux

To the surprise of many – yes, including me – I am back with another recap of The Real Housewives of Potomac. Yes, after watching the series premiere, I advised this show to drown in the Potomac River in act of humanity. I know what some of you are thinking: Then why is your ass back here?

Answer, by way of Beyoncé:

Can you pay my bills?
Can you pay my telephone bills?
Do you pay my automo’ bills?
If you did then maybe we could chill

Now that we’ve settled that, let me continue with why I still cannot stand this show and the woman who function within in.

Why are these women so obsessed with etiquette?

And to be specific, why is Karen, the woman from the farm who looks like the Disney villain remix of Tina Knowles-Lawson, so obsessed with etiquette? Not to be the pedantic A student in African American History 101 about it, but beloved, you are basing far too much of your attitudes towards behavior on the standards of people who had your Black ass kinfolk in shackles not that long ago. I’m not saying everyone should walk around here with no home training, but I am saying you have your damn nerve being from a farm and being classist towards a woman from Baltimore about etiquette of all things.

I would suggest playing a drinking game based on the number of times we hear “etiquette” on this show, but I know my limit and alcohol poisoning is not how I’m trying to go out.

This woman is so happy she married into a family that had some degrees. At one point, she even glowingly referred to the family she married into as an “elitist family.” This week we met Aunt Dot, who Karen kept going on and on about for teaching her everything she knows about etiquette. Well, at least we know now the root of the disease. In any event, for someone who spent last week bragging about being married to Negro League Bill Gates, I would’ve thought Aunt Dot would’ve rolled into the palace (in her mind) on some Roll Royce chauffeured by St. Michael The Archangel. Dot rolled up in a Nissan Versa. Or maybe it was an Altima. Whatever the case, I own a Toyota Camry that is lovely with leather so I am not falling for this bullshit.

Dot is just a stuck up church woman. God bless her, though. She likes her tea fifth circle of hell hot and refuses anything less than first degree burns on her tongue. We all have our thing.

The only other thing I’ll say about Karen is she has no reason to be Gizelle other than she rightly suspects she gets more camera time than her. Even by Real Housewives standards, their beef is stupid as hell.

Katie really thinks she’s special because she’s mixed and dates a white man, huh?

There’s something very unsettling how many numerous cast members of The Real Housewives of Potomac seem obsessed with being light skinned and mixed, but Katie particularly revels in such attributes. During one of her confessionals, she seemed to put down people with “less diverse” backgrounds than her. She also made it a point to denote she was “biracial” as opposed to “black.” Okay, whatever, but it was interesting watching her rave about being half Jewish and then go to admit that she knew very little about her faith. She uses that background as some sort of cultural currency for herself and her kids. Kind of like how she goes on and on about loving white men so much. Yeah, about that, Katie, girl, that boyfriend may be kind of playing stepdaddy to your kids, but you nagging him about proposing to you is not the move.

Black, biracial, Jewish or foolish, if a man wanted to make you his wife, he’d do so — especially by now. By the way, Mariah Carey knows who she is and is “more diverse” than you. Get a life.

Lastly, I cringed during that lunch scene when Katie immediately asked, “Is your husband white or Black?” Then another went “Are you mixed or anything?” Worse is that they all pretended to be “passing.” None of y’all’s asses are passing for white. What is wrong with you people?

Of course Blu Cantrell II who loves her green eyes hates big natural hair.

Why was I not surprised that Gizelle, who touched on her green eyes and light skinned and legacy has an issue with Ashley, who rocked her big curly hair with no inhibitions? Last night was our first introduction to Ashley and I can only confirm that she is the least irritating. She’s young, married to some old white man and still proceeds to drink brown liquor and dance at stuffy events. She’s the grand champion of this pile of s**t thus far. For that, Gizelle referred to her as a “THOT.” That’s trashy of her.

The sooner Charrisse goes away, the better.

I don’t have much to say about Charrisse other than she has her damn nerve talking about someone else’s hair on this show. Either she’s blind in one eye or she suffers from delusion because she ought to know a lot better than that. I also found it comically ironic that she bemoans “the hood” and “the ghetto” yet quoted numerous rappers while trying to be classist. I’m also befuddled by how offended she’s pretending to be. Like, it was a crab boil, ma’am, and you had Gizelle come over and cook for you as you were too lazy or too inept to figure out what to do with crabs, a pot, and some Old Bay. It’s not worth all this. By the way, telling Gizelle “your face repulses me” was corny. Ugh.

If I could huff and puff, I’d blow her and her house down and away.