The Internet received a gracious blessing yesterday when a video of Shia LaBeouf rapping (in all his rat-tailed glory) surfaced. If your body is ready, here is the clip:
I am very frazzled by this. Where is he? Who are these random youths drinking what I choose to believe is Fanta? How were we not aware Shia posseses freestyle skills that match Drake (but without the phone)? Is a new dynasty upon us? Shia is coming literally to slay all your hip-hop faves…a sentence I never thought I’d write.
In my mind, here is how this exchange went down:
While on the set of his new flick American Honey, Shia took an acting break and headed to the nearest 7-Eleven to guzzle down some Mr. Pibb, eat Fritos, and contemplate the historical impact of Louis Stevens.
A few miles away, some kids were on their way to said gas station to participate in their daily, “Let’s go to the 7-Eleven and maybe we’ll see a random Disney celeb” ritual. Their previous trips proved fruitless, but they’re about to get a present wrapped in a giant paper bag: SHIA. EFFING. LABEOUF. The one true pop icon.
Here is an IRL transcript of the exchange:
HBIC kid: Hey, you’re Shia LaBeouf.
Shia: I’m not famous anymore; don’t you see my paper bag?
HBIC kid: Oh, how foolish of me! How can I apologize for this Holes-sized error in judgment?
Shia: I forgive you, peasant. Come listen to me freestyle, and all will be forgotten.
HBIC kid: What a delightful treat! My friends and I would be honored! Let us grab some Fanta-flavored nourishment beforehand.
After what we’re dubbing the new Brat Pack purchased their sodas, they all headed into a random patch of woods to watch the New King of Rap change the game forever.
And the rest is history. This permanently alters hip-hop, 7-Eleven activities, and Fanta consumption.
Get ready, guys. Get ready.