The utterly hopeless, horny, and, well, hopelessly horny counselors of Camp Firewood are back now that Netflix has turned the 2001 cult classic Wet Hot American Summer into an eight-episode mini-series. The show, titled Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp and out now in its entirety, gives us more antics from the likes of Andy (Paul Rudd), Beth (Janeane Garofalo), Ben (Bradley Cooper), Susie (Amy Poehler), Gene (Christopher Meloni), Lindsay (Elizabeth Banks), and the rest of the totally smushable gang (including some newcomers, like Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm). In other words, we can’t wait to binge-watch it all tonight.
Now, if we learned anything from the original movie, we learned some hot (if slightly misguided) tips on the art of hooking up. Isn’t that the point of going to camp as a teen, be it as a camper or a counselor? To sneak off into a bunk you’re not supposed to be in? (And, you know, to make bird feeders.)
In honor of the return of Wet Hot, we’re looking back at 10 lessons we learned about the birds and the bees from camp movies.
Explore your sexuality and what turns you on.Universal Studios
(Flute) practice makes perfect: Just ask Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) from the American Pie movies.
Wear some eye-catching underthings.Focus Features
You never know when you’ll need to strip down, and summer skivvies are the best skivvies.
Be direct with what you want from a partner.USA Films
As Katie (Marguerite Moreau) not so subtly put it to Coop (Michael Showalter) in Wet Hot American Summer, “Right now I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and f—k his brains out, ya know? So that’s where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you.”
Give them a preview of what’s to come with your moves on the dance floor.Vestron Pictures
Especially if your moves look like Bill Murray’s moves in Meatballs or, better yet, Patrick Swayze’s moves in Dirty Dancing.
When you make out, make out hard.USA Films
Fair warning, though, if you taste like a burger, your partner may be turned off.
Get physical.Screen Gems
Okay, that’s a given, but we mean you should also have some contact beforehand. Say, take up cheerleading to get close to the person you have your eye on, like the jocks in Fired Up! did.
Love the person?! At least understand that sex and love often go hand in hand.Paramount Pictures
Even if you learn that at the age of just 15 and you’re in a virginity-losing contest like in Little Darlings, that lesson stands the test of time.
People you crush on aren’t always who they seem to be.United Film Distribution Company
Yep, we mean you, Angela from Sleepaway Camp.
Get it on in creative locations.Paramount Pictures
Take your partner for a date on the beach, into the woods, or out on a boat perhaps. Variety is the spice of life, and what could possibly go wrong in an isolated, remote location…?
Hooking up at camp (while you absolutely should) will absolutely get you murdered.Paramount Pictures
You’ve been warned, kids—by literally every installment of the Friday the 13th and Sleepaway Camp franchises. But, hey, enjoy the rest of summer!