Here’s a list of things you secretly love but will never admit: McDonald’s, Justin Bieber’s music, and sloppy reality television fights. We call copious bulls—t if you say any of these things don’t wet your whistle, especially the third one. From icy cat fights to full-on bloody brawls, reality television has blessed us with many Earth-changing spats. And you know you live for them. We certainly do.
A good reality TV fight is contingent on three major factors: violence, a takeaway phrase, and security getting involved. A fight doesn’t need to have all of these elements to be epic, but it should contain at least one in abundance.
And that’s precisely the criteria we used when picking out reality TV’s wildest sparring matches. It was a daunting challenge, but we combed through reality television’s history and selected 25 disputes that sum up why we love this crap so much: Crazy people doing crazy things is good for the soul. It makes us feel more normal and, let’s be real, they’re hilarious AF.
Did your favorite fight not make our list? Let us know your top picks in the comments below and check out more from VH1’s month-long Keepin’ It Real reality TV package.
Literally Everyone, Love & Hip Hop AtlantaWTF is this, really? During the Season Three reunion of LHHATL, Stevie J. and Joseline Hernandez decided—ya know—now was an A+ time to come at Althea Heart and Benzino full throttle. The outcome? A total throwdown between the entire cast, which actually caused the taping to get shut down. There’s rowdy, and then there’s the LHHATL Season Three reunion.
Kenya Moore vs. Porsha Williams, The Real Housewives of Atlanta
A true television treasure. After RHOA villain Kenya alleges Porsha cheated on her ex-husband Kordell Stewart, the two start relentlessly bickering. They come to actual blows when Porsha grabs Kenya’s hair and drags her across the floor. Then, security steps in, and you can guess what happens after that. The best part of this fight? When Kenya pulls out a bullhorn and yells in Porsha’s face, “You are a dumb ho. Shut up!”
New York vs. Pumpkin, Flavor of LoveDid Pumpkin spit into New York’s mouth? That’s what it looks like, but regardless, this is some effed up tomfoolery. If you haven’t seen this yet, here’s some backstory: After getting eliminated from the show, Pumpkin tries to tell Flavor Flav that New York is a fame-hungry “actress” with no interest in loving him. New York denies this, and—before you know it—all hell breaks loose between the girls. There’s hair-pulling, (almost) shoe-hurling, and—of course—copious saliva. Scrumptious.
Chris “C.T.” Tamburello vs. Adam King, The Challenge: The Duel IITwo words: Psycho. Giant. C.T. and Adam have a long history of beef. They tussled as housemates on The Real World: Paris and during The Gauntlet III when C.T. dumped a brewski on Adam’s head. Their tumultuous relationship peaked at this beyond violent showdown on The Challenge. According to the cast, there were bloody handprints on the walls and doors during this fight. Even scarier, though, is what C.T. says on camera: “I will smash [Adam’s] head and eat it.” ACTUAL MONSTER.
Tiffany Richardson vs. Tyra Banks, America’s Next Top Model
When Tyra is displeased Season Four contestant Tiffany isn’t bawling uncontrollably after getting eliminated, she unleashes a now-iconic speech beginning with three golden words: Be. Quiet. Tiffany. Ms. Banks’ fiery rant is now a monologue used by actors all over the world.
New York vs. Other Flavor of Love Girls, Flavor of Love
Flavor Of Love (Season 2)
New York certainly knows how to get these chicks riled up. The second she comes on the stage, Buckwild throws a shoe at her. And that’s just the beginning. After that, Bootz and New York exchange some shady words. Then, Deelishis attempts to get in New York’s face, but security stops her. As if calling for back-up, all of the girls then charge toward New York; security tries (and sort of fails) to hold them back. It’s bonkers.
Scrappy vs. Stevie J., Love & Hip Hop AtlantaOy, this one’s bananas. All Scrappy wanted was for Stevie J. to apologize to Erica Dixon for calling her a b—ch. Stevie J. does say sorry, but don’t think it ends there. A fight breaks out between Joseline and Erica, prompting the dudes to go at it. The producers step in. Such a mess.
Willie Hantz vs. Joe Arvin, Big Brother
Willie puffs out his chest a little too much and winds up getting expelled from the show. Didn’t he read the no head-butting clause in his contract?
Audrina Patridge vs. Kristin Cavallari, The HillsThe b—ch is back! Kristin makes her splashy Hills debut by flirting with Audrina’s ex, Justin Bobby, making all the girls mad. A verbal spat between Audrina, Stephanie Pratt, and Kristin leads to the closest physical girl fight we’ve seen on The Hills. Don’t mess with crazy Cavallari, yo.
Dan Renzi vs. Melissa Padrón, The Real World: MiamiFile this one under Bizarre Psycho A—holes. For some strange-as-hell reason, Dan gets extremely upset Melissa opened his mail without his consent. (We get it: That’s not cool, and an actual crime, but homeboy’s reaction is just too much.) “Was it f—king yours to open up, you stupid b—ch?!” Dan asks Melissa in the most misogynistic, condescending tone. And then it just get crazier from there.
Teresa Giudice vs. Danielle Staub, The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Table flipping, incoherent screaming, and the phrase “prostitution whore”—what more could you want in a reality TV fight? We hope Teresa has tossed tables on some basics in prison, tbh, but they’re probably bolted down.
K.Michelle vs. Karlie Redd, Love & Hip Hop AtlantaA shade-throwing match between these two kweens turns quasi-violent after Karlie jerks the table in anger. “Ooh this b—ch is shaking the table,” K.Michelle says to agitate Karlie. And it works. Had security not stepped in, this would’ve gotten crazy brutal.
Amber McWha vs. Florina “Flo” Kaja, Bad Girls Club
Clashing by a cement-covered pool is never a good idea. Amber and Flo found this out the painful way (i.e.: a busted ankle and falling on hard cement). We have to give Flo props for literally limping toward Amber to start their battle. That’s dedication.
Chrissy Lampkin vs. Kim “Kimbella” Vanderhee, Love and Hip HopDamn. This is the definition of a sucker punch. There’s no way Kimbella saw this coming, though we do live for what she says after the altercation: “Still look pretty!” Priorities.
Lauren Conrad vs. Heidi Montag, The HillsSpencer Pratt is the root of all evil. This clip—the first major fight between Lauren and Heidi on The Hills—is proof of that. Ms. Conrad is understandably PO’ed after Spencer (and possibly Heidi) pushed LC’s ex Brody Jenner and her longtime BFF Jen Bunney together at Jen’s 21st birthday. Heidi claims she had nothing to do with it, but Lauren smells bulls—t. The resulting spat is one for the ages, climaxing when Lauren throws her phone down and wails, “[Spencer]’s a SUCKY PERSON!” Preach, boo.
Nia Moore vs. Johnny Reilly and Averey Tressler, The Real World: PortlandGod. To think all of this started because Nia stepped in Averey’s dog’s poop. Did we have to assault someone with a hairdryer over this? It’s The Real World, y’all. Absolutely!
Joe Gorga vs. Joe Giudice, The Real Housewives of New Jersey
We like to call this one the Battle of the Oily Oafs. After Teresa’s brother Joe calls her “scum,” her husband Joe barges in—basically banging his chest—and demands he apologize to her. But Brother Joe has a better idea: ram into Husband Joe like a linebacker and start brawling like wasted frat stars.
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi vs. Angelina Pivarnick, Jersey ShoreLet’s be honest. By kicking Angelina’s butt, Snooki was doing the Lord’s work. No one really liked her, and Snooki just gave the people what they wanted. There’s something almost poetic about pint-sized Snooks (and her poof) pouncing on Angelina like a rabid lion cub.
Marguerite “God Warrior” Perrin vs. Earth, Trading Spouses
During this legendary moment from Trading Spouses, Marguerite returns to her family frazzled because the mother she swapped lives with is a non-Christian, “dark-sided” woman who does, like, voodoo. The “I LOVE JESUS” meltdown that unfolds is now viewed as the Republican Pledge of Allegiance in some circles (mine).
Joe Rogan vs. Jonathan Baker, Fear Factor
The unspoken rule of competing on a reality show? Don’t pick a fight with the host.
Aviva Drescher’s Leg vs. Heather Thomson, The Real Housewives of New York City
When you start chucking artificial limbs, then you’ve reached a new level in reality television fighting. And that’s exactly what former RHONY cast member Aviva did when Heather accused her of repeatedly lying to the girls. “The only thing artificial or fake about me is this,” Aviva says before taking off her prosthetic leg and slamming it on the table. Even better, she later throws the well-manicured and stylish leg at Heather and says, “I’ll crawl home!” WHERE ARE HER EMMYS?!