The Ladies of OITNB Choose Which Inmate They’d Want as Their RL Prison Wife

Hint: they didn't all choose Ruby Rose's Stella.

You already picked your real-life Litchfield prison wife. It’s only fair to give the ladies of Orange Is the New Black the opportunity to choose theirs as well. So, we asked them who they, as themselves (not their characters), would want as their ride-or-die prison bitch last night at a special OITNB screening in NYC. Simply because it had to be done.

  • Taylor Schilling’s wife would be Red.

    “I feel like if I could get Red on my side, I’d be OK. I would want [her] as my backup, I’d want her as my prison wife.”

  • Laverne Cox’s wife would be Stella.

    “Ruby Rose. Everybody wants Ruby Rose. Stella is just a really cool chick. And she looks great naked. I have a feeling a lot of people would be coming to me to get to her.” #Truth.

  • Laura Prepon’s wife would be Nicky Nichols.

    “Nichols is rad, she says what’s on her mind and she tells it like it is and she’s funny, you know? And I love to laugh.” BRB, ’cause <3.

  • Selenis Leyva’s wife would be Poussey.

    “This is my booski.” ’Nuff said.

  • Uzo Aduba’s wife would be Piper.

    “I’m still gonna go with Piper. She’s amazing. I think she doesn’t know what she doesn’t know and until she knows it and does learn, she does try her very best to fix something. She doesn’t find the language always, but she tries her best to make things right.” Can’t even with the cuteness rn.

  • And Kate Mulgrew’s wife would be Gloria. Here she is, sad because I forgot Gloria’s pic at the office.

    “I have my favorites, but probably Gloria. We’re like-minded. We’re goal-oriented. It’s no nonsense. I want to say other people, but it’s outrageous and it’s a lie.”

Could you see these ladies riding hard with the bae of their choice? Let us know in the comments below and while you’re at it, see what Dascha Polanco has to say about RL pregnancies.

Pizza is bae. And yes, I still say bae.