We can’t stop! (Discussing Miley Cyrus, that is.) Whether she’s twerking with Juicy J, grinding on Robin Thicke, spanking a dwarf or deepthroating a microphone wrapped in a banana sheath, Miley Cyrus has become a national obsession. And now she’s on the cover of Rolling Stone, and the profile written by Josh Eells is one of the most extensive (and hilarious) pieces on her to date. If you have 30 spare minutes, it’s worth a read, but if you only have 5, we’ve summarized it for you into this: The Top 10 Most Bonkers Quotes From Miley’s Rolling Stone Interview.
10. “Laser tag sucks.”—Miley Cyrus, on activities that she would prefer not to do with the writer (she would eventually choose skydiving)
9. “People get tattoos of the most f*cked-up sh*t. Did you know Alec Baldwin has Hannah Montana’s initials tattooed on him? No, wait – Stephen Baldwin. He said he was my biggest fan, and I told him my biggest fans have tattoos. So he got ’HM’ tattooed on his shoulder.” She shakes her head. “People do f*cked-up sh*t.”—Miley on confusing which Baldwin brother is which (good thing she never met Daniel!)
[Photo: Getty Images]
8. “Miss Dolores. She was party-rocking till the end! Sometimes I’d walk by and see all these people in there dressed up like old-time flappers. I was like, ’Is this real – or are you guys all ghosts?'”—Miley on her interactions with the paranormal and/or her late neighbor, Dolores Hope, wife of Bob Hope
7. “He always gives me the stank-eye because I drive so fast. The other day I was trying to reverse and I almost hit a thousand things, and I was getting nervous because I could see him going” – she crosses her arms and lets out a big, annoyed sigh. “I’m like, oh, my God, Dan in Real Life is watching me right now!”—Miley on her relationship with her neighbor Steve Carell
6. “We could have even gone further, but we didn’t. I thought that’s what the VMAs were all about! It’s not the Grammys or the Oscars. You’re not supposed to show up in a gown, Vanna White-style.”—Miley throwing shade at Taylor Swift
5. “When we were getting ready for the VMAs, I was about to put on my teddy-bear costume and she’s like, ’Sweet girl, do you need to potty before you put your costume on?’ I’m like, ’Mom! Kanye is standing right here!'”—Miley on being embarrassed by her mom
4. “Detroit’s where I felt like I really grew up. That’s where I started going to clubs, where I got my first tattoo. Well, not my first tattoo, but my first without my mom’s consent. I got it on 8 Mile! I lied to the guy and told him I was 18. I got a heart on my finger and wore a Band-Aid for two months so my mom wouldn’t find out.”—Miley on how The D influenced her
3. “No one is talking about the man behind the ass. It was a lot of ’Miley twerks on Robin Thicke,’ but never, ’Robin Thicke grinds up on Miley.’ They’re only talking about the one that bent over. So obviously there’s a double standard.”—Miley on #FEMINISM (or something)
2. “America is just so weird in what they think is right and wrong. Like, I was watching Breaking Bad the other day, and they were cooking meth. I could literally cook meth because of that show. It’s a how-to.”—Miley on Heisenberg
1. “People are like, ’Miley thinks she’s a black girl, but she’s got the flattest ass ever.’ I’m like, I’m 108 pounds! I know! Now people expect me to come out and twerk with my tongue out all the time. I’ll probably never do that sh*t again.”—Miley vows to never twerk again
[Photos: Getty Images (except where noted)]