The 5 Most Confusing Things About Last Night’s Pretty Little Liars: “The Guilty Girl’s Handbook”

Hello again! I missed last week’s episode of Pretty Little Liars due to unforeseen drama in my personal life that involved a handsome man, a flamingo and some ninja stars (okay, I got too busy to watch it), so I was unusually perplexed by last night’s episode. I mean, I’m always confused by this show, but last night’s episode was particularly befuddling.

Here are the five most confusing things about last night’s episode of Pretty Little Liars. Beware, for SPOILERS abound!

5. What Is THAT Dress?

I’m as much of a puffed sleeve as the next Anne of Green Gables enthusiast, and I’m also a fan of comic books and comic book prints, but what is this dress? Why did Aria wear it to school? Do people wear future hooker styles to high school now? Why not jeans? Jeans and t-shirt and a cardigan? No? Bueller?

Also, I’m very confused by Aria’s brother’s storyline. Is he getting drunk with his friends or are they drugging him up? But at the same time, I’m happy the dojo is part of the storyline again.

[Photo Credit: ABC Family]

4. Who In The Writer’s Room Decided To Give Spencer a Thomas a Beckett/Samuel Beckett Joke???

There used to be another confusing show about beautiful teens with secrets called Gossip Girl, and in the first season, before they’re a thing, Chuck gives Blair one of the best compliments ever by noting that she doesn’t get enough credit for her wit. I feel like Spencer also doesn’t get enough credit for her wit.

I mean, besides Tippy the Parrot, my favorite part of this show is how Spencer keeps making real high brow jokes that not a single other soul around her understands, and which I bet 99% of ABC Family’s audience wouldn’t get either. A cute boy (who is established as Spencer’s mom’s legal aide who is helping her defend Hanna’s mom against murder charges) introduces himself as “Beckett,” which is a cute name, but Spencer has to go for references to the murdered Archbishop of Canterbury and the author of Waiting For Godot.

Someone in the writer’s room is sneaking Spencer one liners that make Rory Gilmore look like a dolt and I want to be their best friend.

[Photo Credit: ABC Family]

3. Are Crazy People Supposed To Like Dessert Tins?

For the second time in a few weeks, we visit an asylum. This one has people in it? And Spencer used to be a patient? That’s confusing alone, but what’s more confusing is I think Spencer is bringing the same red tin with her that the crazy doctor ate macaroons out of.

Is the red tin a clue? Or a red herring? Do crazy people like macaroons? Do sane people like cookies? Am I going to have to finally give in and pull up the character bios so I get the full backstory on this show?

I don’t want to do that.

[Photo Credit: ABC Family]

2. Why Is Emily’s Mom Crying So Hard?

This might be a dumb question, but I really want to know the specific reason why Emily’s mom is having a nervous breakdown. See, the scene suggests that it’s because she’s upset that Emily is going to spend her summer in Nicaragua, but I think she’s also upset because their house is ruined or because they just had a falling out because of the child abuse charges and because it sounds like she lost her job. Also, Emily’s mom is looking haggard and may be facing the fact that she is mortal and will one day die.

Or maybe she’s just upset that Emily is going to Nicaragua???

[Photo Credit: ABC Family]

1. Why Did Mona Confess To The Murder?

Yeah, so this is the mystery of the hour.

The whole episode sets it up so Hanna will confess to the murder. Creepy Mona creeps it up and helps Hanna create an intensely realistic story for why and how she killed Officer Wheldon. It gets to Hannibal-level of creepiness. Creepy Mona is the Lecter to Hanna’s lost and confused Will Graham.

However, unlike (SPOILER) Hannibal, Mona takes the fall.

Why? Did she do it?

Is this part of some villainous masterplan? Her pouty smirk suggests so.

Is it because she is in Sapphic love with Hanna and doesn’t want to see Hanna hurt? Her pouty smirk also suggests so.

Also, why wear THOSE shoes to the police station to confess? Those shoes looked really uncomfortable and it’s not like the cops aren’t going to take them away when they book her.

This show confuses me and I miss Tippy the Parrot.

COME BACK TO ME, TIPPY!

[Photo Credit: ABC Family]

RELATED: Pretty Little Liars: “Under The Gun” Or Hanna Has 99 Problems But Her Manicure Ain’t One.