We can all probably admit that we’ll spend a good amount of the holiday season in front of the tube mindlessly watching lame commercials. Yet something that always makes us do a double take is when we see an awesome celebrity in one of these lame commercials shilling some random product that: 1. You know they’re not using, and 2. They’re way too good for.
Cue those Macy’s holiday commercials which try to squeeze in every celebrity ever like it’s a Valentines Day sequel. Everybody’s gotta put their kids through college, but the following celebrity ad campaigns have us asking ourselves: Why? Just, why?
Amy Poehler for Old Navy
She’s our girl. Who’s girl is she not? Her new book is already a New York Times best seller, Parks and Recreation is returning for a seventh season, she’s about to host the Golden Globes with Tina Fey again, and…she’s in Old Navy commercials? She’s funny as always in these ads — and seems over them as she’s in them — but what is a woman who was once doing adorable print ads for The Gap doing playing retail characters? She’s so talented we can’t judge, but we DO wish we were a fly on the wall when she accepted this contract.
Matthew McConaughey for Lincoln Motor Co.
Remember when McConaughey’s costars were the likes of Woody Harrelson and Leonardo DiCaprio? Well, his most recent costars in Lincoln Motor Co.’s car commercials are a bull and a smooth riding SUV. Dude, you win an Oscar and go to Disneyland, you don’t win an Oscar and do weird car commercials you’re definitely too good for. He could have at least done a Calvin Klein ad so we could have the full McConaughey treatment, and wouldn’t have to hear those terribly awkward monologues.
Stephen Colbert for Wonderful Pistachios
There’s no denying that funny commercials rule, so we give Wonderful Pistachios props for a smart campaign, and Colbert even more props for being able to make fun of the fact that he’s in a commercial during the commercial. However, we’re still left wondering why the king of satire is pushing nuts — albeit the BEST kind of nuts — in so many commercials we lost count. Before these commercials, we couldn’t tell you a brand of pistachios — so we guess he’s doing his job. It’s just WAY random.
Salt N’ Pepa for Geico
Who doesn’t want Salt N’ Pepa at their lamaze class? Probably nobody. But, Salt N’ Pepa were IT in the ’90s, and we don’t want to accept the fact that they’re following a pig and a gecko to “push” Geico’s sales. Ladies, you’re way too cool for this — take those crazy leather jackets and go back on tour or something. Plus, we love that stupid British gecko — whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta…see? This is where Salt N’ Pepa belong.
Melissa Joan Hart for Walmart
We know made-for-TV movies and ABC Family sitcoms aren’t necessarily a step up from your own prime time network drama, but hey: MJH is still working! Those Sabrina, the Teenage Witch reruns are bringing home some bacon, so does she really need Walmart? It’s strange that she’s in a Walmart ad to begin with, but the fact that it feels like a weird cooking infomercial with Anthony Anderson as a co-host makes it that much stranger. Also, it’s a bad career move to attach yourself to a company that was the recent subject of protests as a result of poor treatment of their employees. Yikes.
Jennifer Garner for Capital One
We know The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past happened and the struggle is real, but c’mon! She played one of TV’s favorite badasses on Alias for years AND is half of an award-winning Hollywood power couple. We’d rather be solving a narrative mystery with Garner than see her waste away in the mystery of that crappy CGI plane.
Judy Greer for Sprint
One of the most memorable characters from Arrested Development, and the “quirky best friend” to all female rom com leads, is an unsung comedic hero. So why oh why is Greer paying lip service with a ditzy accent to Sprint in a commercial that is basically making fun of and/or stereotyping excited ladies? This commercial already makes us roll our eyes (“framily”), but then you realize it’s Greeg and you’re like, “Kitty??? NOOOO!”
Antonio Banderas for Nasonex
The hottest Latin lover you’ll ever know or a talking bee who makes you think about your snot? Let’s forget this one happened and we’ll put Zorro back into our Netflix queue. We’re so down to love Banderas no matter what he’s doing, but, Nasonex, you’ve really made it hard. He barely says anything, and when he does it’s as a talking bee. P.S. Antonio, you saw Bee Movie right? And you saw the critics’ reviews for Bee Movie? Just checking, because anything where you’re a talking bee and it’s not a Pixar project is probably not happening.
Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell for Samsung
Spotted: matching couple sweaters. That says it all about this commercial campaign. It could be cute…in their family Christmas card. A very pregnant Bell and hubby Shepard are selling pretty much every product Samsung has made this year. Bell knows she was in Frozen, right? She was in one of the biggest movies of the last two years, but she’s got a baby on the way, so we guess she gets a break for this weird ad?
Scarlett Johansson for Sodastream
Girl, we know you’re smart AND sexy. You’re also an iconic actress with a lot of really great roles under your belt. So what, might we ask, are you doing selling sex for a Bed Bath and Beyond product that may or may not be around in 10 years? “Sorry, Coke and Pepsi,” is right. You’re sorry they didn’t hit you up first, because this Sodastream ad got banned from FOX, caused a lot of controversy, and marred your personal brand. Keep on keepin’ on in movies. Movies ONLY.